Last week I urged you, to admit to God how much you have suffered (often unjustly), but I need to explain more about this confession of sorrow. This week I want to discuss the sorrow we feel because of our own sin and foolishness and also show how God can use our honesty to help other hurting people. Please join me as I look at why our confession of sorrow honors God’s commands (yes he commands us to admit we are hurting.)
I briefly addressed the threat to others that unconfessed sorrow causes. When people deny they are hurt, they will let others hurt them. Often the compassionate people do this via codependent behavior. Other people deny their sorrow, and then they go out and hurt others. So this unconfessed sorrow either hurts the one suffering or people the hurting person harms.
We may also hide our sorrow when we have done something foolish or sinful. We might feel so ashamed of the mistake or sin we committed, we do not believe other people or even God would offer us comfort. But when God used the prophet Isaiah to say (in Isaiah 40:1) “Comfort, comfort my people says your God,” he was not speaking about comfort for unjust abuse they suffered. He was referring to the sorrow and consequences they suffered because of their sin. In the next verse (verse 2a) he says, “Speak tenderly to Jerusalem. Tell her that her sad days are gone and her sins are pardoned.”
Even when we caused our own suffering, God still wants to comfort us. He wants us to confess our sins. Then he wants to comfort us. Of course he cannot comfort people who will not repent of their sins. God does not want people to feel comfortable in their sins anymore than a parent does not want her child to feel comfortable with a filthy diaper. So when we confess our sins to the Lord, he is waiting to offer us comfort and welcome us back to him.
Not all people feel this compassionate when we caused our own suffering. Whether we caused the sorrow due to our sin or due to our mistakes and foolishness, some people will judge us and believe we do not deserve comfort. These people forget that they are sinners, and they have been foolish at other times too. So we must not judge others or withhold our love and comfort when people repent and want to heal.
I also need to address another group of people who suffer when they do not confess their sorrow. These are the people God wanted us to comfort with the comfort he would have given us. So does denying our sorrow cause us to sin? Maybe. Let me explain. In 2 Cors. 1:3-7, Paul explains God’s will for us. In verse four Paul says, “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”
How can we comfort others with the comfort God wanted to give us if we minimize or deny our own pain and then never receive God’s love? When God used Paul to say, “mourn with those who mourn,” (Romans 12:15) he used the imperative case. That means these words are a command from God. He did not say, “You might mourn,” he commands us to mourn with others, but we cannot do that if we have not first grieved for our own pain and suffering. In verses 5 of that famous comfort passage of 2 Cors.1, Paul again says, “For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ.” Paul goes on, in verse 6b to confirm that “when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.” By our comforting others, they can endure their troubles. And in verse 7b, Paul confirms “the comfort God gives us,” meaning God is our ultimate source of comfort, even when others are offering the comfort. God is love and thus all good things, including comfort come from Him. He wants us to share that wonderful comfort and love he gives to others. But first we have to admit we have been hurt and then receive his comfort before we can offer that same comfort to others.
So we realize a dilemma. If we refuse to admit we have been hurt, we also refuse to let God comfort us. Then we cannot offer that same comfort to others. And then they cannot comfort others too. Therefore we must admit to our hurts. We must let God comfort us. And in all of this, we must admit to how very much we were hurt. We should not rationalize the pain saying it was so little (as I discussed in last week’s post.) Instead we acknowledge the pain and its depth. Then we grieve and welcome God, and sometimes a safe person, to share with us in our pain. And when we share our pain with others, the pain becomes less troublesome until we feel we can bear it.
Thanks for joining us in this shorter post that I wrote to include the extra details to last week’s post on confessing our pain and sorrows. I pray we have comforted and encouraged you so you can grieve and overcome any sorrows you may have hidden from yourself and from God. May the Lord bless you this week.