….inviting God into our past so He can heal it
We cannot heal from what we deny we suffered. We cannot fully heal if we minimize how much we were hurt. If we compare our suffering to others people’s pain we may believe they suffered far more than we did and then shame ourselves for the pain we feel. Only God knows your heart. He made your heart with its unique capacity to love and give kindness and to feel emotional pain. While some people may experience suffering but reject the lie that they are at fault, others have tender, albeit naïve souls. They absorb the lies and believe they deserve the suffering or abuse. We must let God reveal the depths of our suffering. We must admit to how deeply our suffering has wounded us. God cannot heal unconfessed sorrows. Please join me as I expose the lie that tells us to minimize or deny our hurts.
I’ve written extensively about our need to bring our grief to the Lord so he can heal us. Yet lies tell us this is selfish and a waste of God’s time. Some lies tell us that since others have suffered far worse fates, our pain isn’t important to God. Tender-hearted people may fall for these lies and deny their pain, thus delaying or canceling their healing.
We have heard the lie, “That didn’t hurt,” about physical or emotional pain. When people say that, they imply they are God and can read someone’s mind. Only God can do that, and none of us should ever tell another person that lie. Some people deflect blame and hurt by approaching life from a logical, detached manner. They have an innate ability to realize when they are not to blame for their pain. Yet other people blame themselves when trouble or abuse unfairly impacts them. They more readily believe lies. They may have a greater need for validation from others and a greater concern for others’ well being. As a result, they are more concerned if they think they hurt others, and not as aware when others hurt them. These are often compassionate people. They deny their pain, and they grow up trying harder to help others while denying the suffering God wants to heal in them.
Another group of people may deny their pain, but not because they are merciful or because they do not let trouble hurt them, because they do feel hurt. Instead these people deny their pain due to their pride. They don’t want to admit someone hurt them, because they believe they are tough. They want to project a tough image to others, and crying or acknowledging pain (even to themselves) would ruin that fake image. These people will grow up to hurt others, because they deny their pain.
When people deny their pain, because they see someone else who suffered horrendously, they assume that their pain does not count in comparison. But God does not look at your pain by comparing it to someone else’s. He knows our frail human condition (Psalm 78:39 “He remembered that they were merely mortal, gone like a breath of wind that never returns.”) and he does not treat us roughly saying our pain is less than someone else’s (Psalm 103:8- 10“The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not deal harshly with us as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.”)
Some may say that their fathers or mothers told them their pain was insignificant. Their parents may have said they were being wimpy. God is not that kind of father (Psalm 103:13-14 “The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust.”) God does not want you to logically analyze your pain. Logic has a place in your mind, but not before your feelings. God wants you to set aside the judging, analytical side of your brain and instead bring the vulnerable, emotional side to him. In Romans 12:15, God shows us we should treat others the way he wants to treat us, “Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep.” And at Lazarus’ grave, Jesus did not give a logical reason why the sisters should not cry. Instead he felt their pain, and he wept with them (John 11:35.)
He will never scorn you like others may have done. He counts every fear and sorrow as precious. He wants to comfort those raw, hurt feelings. While logic has a place in our lives, we cannot let our logical side tell us we feel no pain. We cannot compare our pain to other people’s suffering. We cannot believe the lies others use in telling us our pain doesn’t matter. We need raw honesty, even when it seems silly, emotional, childish, not tough, and not proud. God did not say, “Come to me all who are proud, logical and self sufficient.” He said “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest,” (Matt.11:28.) Remember, you are not revealing all your hurts to humans who might say you are burdening them. You are going to God who has all the power to care for you, all the patience to listen to you, all the time to comfort you for as long as you need to speak and cry.
God does not give you a schedule for healing. If you saw others heal more quickly, you must not judge yourself by their standard. God gave you your unique standard for healing and living. He knows you better than others know you. He knows you better than you know yourself. God can heal you, but not if you deny your pain or minimize it. He is waiting for you to come and receive that healing. Please let him.
I pray we have blessed you this with this week’s post. Please share your concerns about confessing sorrows, if that will help you heal. I’ve compared myself to others and denied my pain in the past (sometimes I slip back into doing it in the present and have to catch myself.) So I will never judge you. May you have a peaceful and healing week!