Ripping rotten roots out of my heart, God was a master gardener, with his pruning discipline after I refused to listen to his wise counsel. Some of the bad choices, like weeds, looked so innocent at first, but they were deadly, and I needed God to yank them out of my life. Even “good” aspects of my personality, like plants growing too close to each other, need to be pruned. Today I want to talk about a time when I ignored God’s warnings and suffered strong discipline from not seeing the bad weeds in my life.
In my last two posts, “God’s Discipline: Good but painful Gift” and “Seeing Myself in Proverbs: Ouch!” I admitted God’s discipline hurts but helps me, just like an expert horticulturalist disciplines a garden to become healthy. God has been tender with me, like I am with seeds I just planted. Seedlings are too delicate to handle rough treatment. God had to be this tender in disciplining me, even when I was biologically mature but spiritually immature. When I looked back at my younger self and considered how foolish I was, I berated myself for my sins and slow spiritual growth compared to younger sisters-in-Christ. God reminded me, even as a young adult back then, I was still badly wounded from problems in my childhood. I had been deceived as a child and as a young adult. Even as shade stunts the growth of plants, unresolved traumas had stunted my spiritual growth.
God reminds me I have a tender, submissive, easily believing personality. But I did not believe God or friends who warned me about the danger of using this side to trust the wrong people. This down side of my temperament made me open to deceivers, and many came to trick me. God had to use his discipline in this terrible area of my life.
I did not listen to my logical, skeptical, tough friends who are not easily fooled and abused. They warned me, but I would not listen. I shared about this stubbornness in my earlier post where I saw myself as two foolish people groups in Proverbs. Some hung out with unsafe, angry people, and the other was too vulnerable, telling too much to unsafe people.
My tougher friends were firm but also kind back when I did not listen to them. They said they admired my strengths and said they did not enjoy visiting nursing homes and tending to widows and children some call “difficult.” Some told me they would not want to teach children with special needs. Apparently my temperament, with its weakness for gullibility and abuse, also had strengths in areas like mercy and creativity. But I was still foolish, too trusting, and simply WRONG.
God would not let the darker sides of my personality eclipse the good sides. God saw the “good plants,” in my personality. He pruned some. God saw the bad sides of my personality, and he had to yank the roots of those weeds. But God had to move slowly and gently, because I was foolish, and because he did not want to uproot the “good plants,” the good sides of my personality.
Matt. 13:24-30 explains the parable of the wheat and tares. Jesus taught that God was careful to not uproot the good wheat (true believers) with the bad weeds called Tares (bad people or unbelievers.) God represents the farmer in that parable and he did not want to uproot the good people (wheat) with the fake Christians. God is always tender with us, and we must remember this. Even when it seems like his pruning or weeding (discipline) hurts, we must not believe the lie that God is unfair or mean when he allows us to suffer hardships.
Many people run away from the Christian faith because of hardships. Jesus also alluded to this in the parable about the sower and the seeds in Matthew chapter 13. In verses 20-22, Jesus said, “The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once received it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes, because of the word, they quickly fall away. The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful.”
I have run from God, but never for long. I did not stay away too long, not because I am virtuous, but because his love wooed me back quickly. After brief prodigal times, I quickly returned, because I needed his love. Since my childhood confession of faith in Jesus, I have seen that no one could love me like Jesus does. I only thrive on his love.
Have I ever been tempted to love someone too much? Yes. Some people tried to take Jesus’ place in my life, especially the first husband I was married to before my current husband, Eric. Only one friend warned me about this man, but she was so angry, she attacked me. I could not really hear her words in the midst of her insults. After I married the first husband (I will not name him) he and his father twisted Scripture against me. For a season I believed them and stopped reading my Bible, fearing God’s wrath. After two years, frustrated friends intervened, and I began to listen as they guided me back to the truth, on which I stood.
But the truth angered the husband. He did not agree with the truth of the Scripture, nor did he want to stop being abusive. He moved out and bought a condo and got a roommate, a woman he worked with. He had his divorce lawyer call and tell me we were divorced, since I did not agree to sign a quit claim on that condo. The lawyer said she was finalizing the divorce and, as she hung up, she told me to consider myself already divorced.
I knew nearly nothing about divorce, so I believed our marriage was already annulled.
While I grieved, I realized that husband had never used the book of Psalms against me, so I read it. Then I read Proverbs, and again, I found nothing to condemn me as this husband had done. As I healed, a man I had met asked me out and I dated him, although it was too soon, because he distracted me from the grieving I should have been doing.
But seasons later, this husband came back into my life saying he had fallen into a depression and that we had to reconcile. I explained that I had moved on, but then he shocked me by saying we were not divorced. He mocked me for not understanding that a divorce requires papers be sent to the unwanted spouse before anything could be finalized. I explained that I trusted him and his lawyer who had said otherwise. He admitted he had used the lawyer as a ruse to get more money out of me.
He was furious that I had dated another man, even as a separated woman who believed she was divorced. So I told the other man good by. This time, when he demanded I sign the quit claim so he could keep the condo (and roommate), I actually agreed, including agreeing to reconcile with him. The only sense I had was to get a gal from church to be my roommate to share the financial expenses, since the husband did not help financially. Initially he had continued to take my money after he had moved out. I also wanted to be sure he did not move back in with me, even part time, until I knew if he really wanted to seek God. By now I had fallen back in love with God’s word, seeing no evidence of the many accusations this husband had made against me. I had loved this husband and served him, and the Scripture confirmed these are qualities God rewards and does not punish, as the angry husband had done.
The husband continued to refuse Biblical marriage counseling, and still offered no financial help. He continued to shove me around and yell at me and call me names. He would not sell the condo and leave his roommate (whom he insisted was only a friend.) When I met his neighbors, they were shocked he even had a wife. He had kept it a secret from them. He admitted he had lied to me and did not believe in God like I did. He said he was bitter that I had not changed my entire personality nor did whatever he wanted to please him once he married me and admitted to his prior ruse. I was horrified. Finally my wise Uncle Don told me I had Biblical grounds for divorce, based upon abandonment and the other woman, and I agreed.
But I felt like I had fully let God down. How could I have been so naïve to believe such a dishonest man? I had hurt the Lord. Wasn’t I supposed to know better than marry a man who pretended to be a Christian but was not? I had made an idol of this ungodly man I had loved. Had God stopped speaking to me, stopped disciplining me? No. Even during those short but terrible, years with that man (and my foolish sin) I continued visiting nursing homes and finding joy, comforting the dying there. I ministered to widows and children in my neighborhood. My faith had been battered, but it had not died. God had enabled me to still love and serve others, even while I was believing lies and living with a sinful husband who mocked and abused me. I was depressed but not destroyed. I also had wise friends who came alongside me and spoke truth to me. At times they had to speak loudly (though never with insults), and God used them to discipline me too.
The good side of my personality (such as my love of serving others) was alive, but I had allowed weeds to grow there, and they were nearly strangling “good plants” such as my Bible reading. During our first separation I left the abusive church the husband had us join. God had directed me to do that. Eventually God pulled that cruel husband out of my life. God had to allow me to suffer, because I had not realized nor believed how naive I was. Because I had not listened to God about this flaw of mine, I had to suffer through an abusive marriage. Friends had warned me, over the years before I met that man, that I was too trusting. Being naïve is never a virtue in a grown woman.
I had to be disciplined by having weeds pulled out of my life, and this hurt. I had not assessed myself and admitted I had a weakness for believing liars. Others had lied to me before the first husband. Somehow I refused to learn from earlier experiences with liars. I also suffered from some false teaching about the Bible, such as a phrase from a Catechism: “Put the best construction on everything,” and being told it means to believe people and assume the best about them. This contradicts Scripture which says all people are born in sin, (Psalm51:5 “In sin did my mother conceive me,”) and they are unregenerate until they surrender to the Lord and let him quicken them with new life. Otherwise, there are many liars who are either not Christians, or who pretend to be Christians. Furthermore, even Christians can fall into telling lies.
There are times when we should not assume the best about others. We are better off not believing everyone the minute we meet them. Instead trust should be earned. But I was never taught about trust being earned. I was even discouraged from letting the Holy Spirit speak to me. There is so much false teaching, in the name of the Bible. People will fall for false teaching based upon their individual weakness. In my case, my weakness was being naïve, and also my fear-based people pleasing. So any false teaching that came in those areas tempted me to fall into sin.
But God does not want false teaching in our lives. He will yank it out of our lives if we have truly submitted to his will. But this can hurt, the way it did in losing that dishonest husband whom I had allowed myself to love too much. I did not submit to the Holy Spirit’s power but trusted my own ideas that were colored by false teaching. And I got hurt. God does not want us to live according to our weak fleshly nature but by his godly nature. This means we must recognize our weaknesses and then protect ourselves against falling in those areas. In any area where you are weak (such as being naïve or fearful as I tend to be), ask safe friends to pray for you but also to hold you accountable in those areas. Memorize Scriptures to reinforce yourself in those areas.
God’s discipline may hurt, but he has the best for you, as he did for me. He allowed the good sides of my personality to thrive, after he yanked the bad weeds out of my life, and in that past case, it was a cruel, abandoning husband. There are still some bad consequences in my life, from my believing liars, but they are less intense than they were with that first husband. In the end, God brought far more joy into my life, thanks to this discipline he used. I am so thankful today, although also sad that I wasted years not full submitting to God’s plan. I cannot change how foolish I was in the past, but I can now warn other gals and women to be wise and listen to God’s counsel. And I can comfort others who have resisted God’s discipline and then gotten hurt by their sin.
God is so kind. He rescued me, and he can rescue you too. He has such good plans for our lives! Thanks for joining us in this post. It was a bit painful to write, but it also conveys the joy I have in the Lord, especially for his kindness in disciplining me for my own good!