In last week’s post “Seeing Myself in Proverbs: Ouch! ” I admitted that God’s discipline hurts initially but then saves me from much worse pain. I talked about the greater pain I suffered when I did not heed God’s warnings in the book of Proverbs and other Scripture. Over time I realized I am better off listening closely to God and heeding his Scriptural warnings and Holy Spirit nudges than I am when I go off and do things my flesh’s way. My flesh is very stubborn and does not want to submit. But I am glad that the Spirit of God, living in me, is stronger.
I know that until I die, my flesh and God’s good Spirit will battle inside me. This means I have to practice self-discipline to submit to God’s discipline. I have to feed the Spirit side of my nature and starve the flesh so I will love God’s discipline. Since that is very hard, I wanted to share ways God helps me surrender to his discipline by disciplining myself. I have to confess I do not (yet) “fully enjoy” surrendering to God’s discipline or even disciplining myself, at least not often. I sometimes feel dread the day before I fast. I have to remind myself of the wonderful quiet times I will have during the fast while I don’t use my time preparing and eating food. So please know that although I fast, I do not always look forward to a day of fasting.
But do I have joy? Oh, yes. The quiet time I enjoy, when I fast, is intense and different from any other quiet times I have. I am very vulnerable (since I am hungry and sometimes tired) and very open to the way God speaks to me through Scripture and prayer time. I am more aware of other people’s needs. I am less concerned about food. I say “less,” because I often still prepare food for my family, although my girls are very gracious and often expect less of me on my fasting days. But I don’t have to prepare my own food or eat it, and I am amazed by how much time that saves. I discover amazing insights I miss when I am eating and much more involved in every day chores. I grow closer to the Lord. So the spiritual discipline of fasting produces wonderful and joyful riches in my spiritual (and probably also my emotional) life.
Fasting has become such a habit, after years of doing it, that it only requires a gentle discipline of my flesh. My body has adapted and somehow seems to understand (after an hour or two of initially giving me hunger signals) this is not a time to eat. So I don’t have to strive as hard anymore to fast.
Yet some of the other disciplines are so hard, they feel like I am holding the leash of an angry and crazed dog that is nearly pulling my shoulder out of the socket. I have to really fight some aspects of my flesh, which want to rebel against God’s will. The biggest area is in dealing with my loved ones, when there is conflict. I am a mom, so I have to correct my girls. I am a wife and share a house, so I have to interact with a husband who is sometimes contrary. I can end up snapping at people I love, when God wants me to show his grace instead. When my daughters or husband are rude, I have to fight my angry flesh that wants to snap back. Giving a reasonable, logical and calm answer is very, very hard for me when others are behaving poorly.
Just last week I initially used a too harsh voice with Amy, and I don’t even remember what she had done wrong. But after I used that tone of voice, I felt grieved. I did apologize to her, but I hated the ease with which I had used that tone. Yet I also realize I felt the remorse almost the moment I spoke, and my heart told me, “This was your flesh. Don’t say another word,” and I stopped. I did not yell and did not use any mean names. It was just a tone, but it was still too harsh. I caught it right away and not a day later. God is showing me that I am growing and more quickly catching this ugly trick of my flesh. This week my husband said some harsh things to me, and I remained quiet. Later I was so frustrated I asked him, “Are you having a bad day?” But I knew it was too soon for him to hear this, and he snapped something rude back. I knew better than speak to him that soon but spoke anyway. The Lord showed me that when I am angry, even that which seems like an innocent question is wrong to ask. I knew, in my heart, that I had asked that “seemingly innocent” question in my frustration, not because I truly wanted to offer my husband comfort for a bad day.
But God showed me, instantly, that this was wrong. I repented right away. And later I did realize that I had not asked the question with any mean words or by snapping back at my husband. Although he had said some very harsh things, I had not responded with a single harsh word back. I had been kind, until my frustration mounted (when he kept saying mean things) and that was when I asked the question. I talked to God about it, and I thanked him for reminding me that even small questions, when posed during my frustration, are not right. Some would say this is unfair, since I am not the one who starts to snap or uses rude words. But God is showing me that, as a Christian, God requires more of me than he may of others. God knows I am growing in His Spirit, and he expects more of me than people who don’t know the Lord or who are not strong Christians.
And I thank God for his conviction. I want to be a strong Christian, and this discipline is a gift. First, it gives me peace with God, who loves me and expects so much of me. Deut.8:5 says, “Think of it, as a parent disciplines a child, so the Lord disciplines you.” But it also brings more peace in my home when I deal with people who have short fuses and who use harsh words . Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger.” When I am gentle, angry people (whether in my home or out in the market) may still say mean things to me. But when I refuse to engage them in an argument or even defend myself when they falsely accuse me, they have nothing to fight against. They quickly lose interest in arguing and walk away. This has brought peace in my home, and also when I am outside my home.
Nonbelievers would say I am weak for not arguing. But Eccles.7:9 says, “Do not be quickly provoked in spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” And Proverbs 10:12 says, “Hatred stirs up trouble but love forgives all wrongs.” I believe that not arguing shows more love, even when someone I love is being harsh. Actually Proverbs tells us that this painful discipline of holding our tongue brings many blessings. When we refuse to argue with others, God promises us wisdom (Prov.13:9-10), enrichment (Proverbs 28:25), and better friendship (Prov.16:28.) And when we hold our tongue, we actually do appease the angry person, as Proverbs 15:18 promises, “A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he {she} that is slow to anger appeases strife.” Over time, when we refuse to argue with others (or snap at them), we help them become calm. We do not control them. They may still have an angry heart. But they cannot continue to argue with us. They will have to find someone else to argue with.
So God blesses me when he disciplines me. I know some people argue and use sarcasm. God has shown me I should not use sarcasm or any humor that puts others down. I also stand up for those who are being mocked this way. But I may have to put up with harsh people who are not under the same conviction. Many people would say I should be allowed to treat others the way they treat me. But God shows me that when I am patient with unkind people, I am also being patient with him. The love I show others, God receives, (Matt.25:40b, “When you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you did it to me.”) So God’s discipline also causes me to show him more love, and then I feel more of God’s love for me. It may seem ironic that when I am kind to others who are not kind, that I feel God’s love. But God does this for me.
Would I prefer to feel God’s love by only being around kind people, Christians who love the Lord? Yes! I already admitted that discipline is a painful gift of God’s. I am so happy to have the small discipline of fasting, where I can be with the sweet, kind and loving Lord, and all I have to do is go without food for a day. Yet I get to spend time with the One who adores me. This is not a hard discipline for me. But when I have to be kind to the unthankful and mean people, suddenly I am forced to grow in ways that are different from my times of fasting (though I grow very much then too.) I memorized Luke 6:35 “But love your enemies. Do good and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil.” I have to remind myself that I am doing the right thing when I keep my calm. I may respond to God’s command, but it is so hard. To help me follow these hard commands, I have memorized other verses like that one. I tell them to myself when I am tempted to snap back.
Fasting and showing kindness to angry, unthankful people (denying my flesh) are only two of the many disciplines taught in Scripture. I will expand this post next week and share other ways God has been teaching me his discipline (the painful kind.) So please come back next week. If God has been using his discipline in your life, please let me know.
Thanks for joining us in this post!