Although we can feel angry and not sin, many of us fear our anger so much that we deny having it at all. The anger doesn’t go away but festers in our hearts. Then we may experience ulcers, tension headaches, muscle pain and more. Jesus understands our anger, because he expressed anger in a way we can use so we neither deny our anger, nor explode and hurt others when we use it. Scriptures also show godly women who used their righteous anger. Please join me as I explore anger’s potential to help us or hurt us.
Scripture reassures us that we can feel anger and not sin. For example, Ephs.4:26 says, “In your anger, do not sin.” Jesus was sinless, yet he got angry appropriately. For example, in Mark 3:5 Jesus felt anger and sorrow over the Pharisee’s hard hearts when they put a man with a withered hand in front of him daring Jesus to heal this man on the Sabbath. Although it is right and good to heal on the Sabbath, the Pharisees had so distorted the teaching of the Sabbath, that they claimed Jesus had sinned by healing the man that day. Furthermore, in John 2:15-16, Jesus drove out the greedy money changers saying, “Stop making my Father’s house a market.” Those men were keeping worshippers from bringing their own sacrifices to offer to the Lord. This was also righteous, because the money changers and sellers charged such high prices for these sacrifices, that they blocked many people from making heart-felt sacrifices to the Lord. And in Matt.23:13-26, Jesus rebuked the scribes and Pharisees, even calling them hypocrites and vipers, again because they blocked people from knowing the truth about the heavenly Father.
In all of these cases, Jesus used righteous anger, because he wanted to heal and protect and guide the people to the Lord while the scribes, Pharisees and others were keeping people from accessing the Lord. And in John chapter 8, when some of the Jews challenged him, Jesus boldly called them children of the Devil. While Jesus was calm, he still stated hard truths that his critics would call angry words. Yet they were self-controlled words, not the ranting of an unrighteous, angry man. Even in his righteous anger, he never had to resort to screaming back at his critics. He was calm, rational, and totally fair. He had righteous anger.
But our world tells women we should not be angry. Often, from childhood, girls are told to not take offense when people insult them, demand too much, even harm them. I still remember recoiling as a scary man from my church touched me, when he offered to give me his sweater when I was cold. That man went on to molest my sister and one of her friends. Yet others in our church group condemned me by saying I was not being grateful or nice. I was a young teenager, but I could tell this man should not touch me, even in trying to put his sweater around my shoulders. I would rather shiver than have him or his sweater touch me, and he had not yet committed his crimes. But I was rebuked for having a healthy sense of what was evil.
Too often our society wants to silence women and girls and then shame them when they are abused. Women have been called shrews, sirens (as if any sexual abuse is their fault), old hags (when the woman is older) when the woman and girls speak up against disrespect and abuse. Unfortunately too much of this has happened in our churches. We have been told that our anger is ungodly or not feminine, but this is a lie. So let’s look at godly women who had righteous anger and acted upon it.
In Genesis chapter 38, Judah had deceived Tamar, his widowed daughter-in-law, into thinking he would give her his son Shellah in marriage, but he never did. In verse 26 he admitted Tamar is “more righteous than I,” because Tamar tricked Judah into becoming the father of her future child (who ended up being twins.) Tamar despised the disdain of Judah’s earlier rejection.
In Exodus 1:17-21 Shiphrah and Puah had godly disdain towards Pharoah’s rule to kill Hebrew baby sons, and they allowed those baby boys to live. In Exodus 4:25, Zipporah saved Moses’ life by circumcising his sons, when Moses had not done so, and God was about to kill him. Zipporah called Moses a “bridegroom of blood,” in rebuke.
In Judges 5:9 Deborah, the judge and leader of Israel told army general Barak that because he would not go on his own to war but needed Deborah to join him in the battle, the honor would be a woman’s and not his. This happened when godly Jael stepped away from her ungodly husband’s alliance with the evil Sisera, and instead helped the Israelites by killing murderous Sisera during that battle. Both women disdained the foolishness of the men, and then both women entered the battle themselves.
In 1 Samuel, chapter 25, we meet the godly Abigail. She honestly expressed her disdain when she said of her wicked husband, “Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him,” (verse 25.) Although she had righteous disdain for her husband’s wicked and foolish behavior, she still calmed David and also saved Nabal’s life, all the while feeling all of her anger and acting upon it. In verse 33 David praised her, “May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands.”
In 2 Kings 22:14-20, Huldah, a prophet showed her godly disdain (righteous anger) toward the evil behavior of the people of Judah when (in verses 16-17) she pronounced, “This is what the Lord says; I am going to bring disaster on this place and its people, according to everything written in the book the king of Judah has read. Because they have forsaken me and burned incense to other gods and aroused my anger by all the idols their hands have made, my anger will burn against this place and will not be quenched.” She did not use soft words but spoke with force. She was a woman of godly anger, and she directed her anger towards the evil behavior of the people of Judah.
Esther expressed righteous anger towards Haman when she told the king, “The adversary and enemy is this wicked man this Haman,” (Esther 7:6.) She did not hold back her anger, even as she spoke the truth about the sinful man.
Every one of these women were godly in what they did, even while they felt their anger and disdain for the sins and evil of others. Scriptures speak well of these women’s behaviors, and they are never punished or scolded by God for what they did, even when society would have insulted them for these actions.
We can follow these women’s examples and trust God with our anger. Simply start by feeling your anger. Spend enough time in quiet places where you can be aware of your feelings. If you feel those physical symptoms I mentioned earlier (head aches, stomach and muscle pain and anything else that may imply stuffed anger) ask God to tell you what is currently angering you. And please believe God when he tells you, even if your next thought is, “That should not make me angry.” Sadly I used to tell God those words. I had been so dishonored in my younger years, when I figured out why I was angry, I told myself I had no right to feel that way. Years later I realize I did have a right to be angry. People were mistreating and disrespecting me.
When you recognize why you feel anger (remember, disdain and annoyance are mild forms of anger, and we must not discount any of our anger at all) tell God about it. Always come to God first, so he can help you understand the situation better. For example, if I had not pretended I did not have a reason to be angry, but I had asked God, “Is it right to be angry about this?” he would have shown me my esteemed value to him. God honors me, and he wanted to show me that honor so long ago, but I did not realize he valued me so much, so I did not honor myself. Thus others could easily disrespect me and even abuse me.
So please talk to God about your anger. He will listen. He can also help you to figure out if you should or should not act. Sometimes our anger is so slight, just an annoyance, that we realize we can disregard it (perhaps a loved one was grouchy but this is not her normal behavior, and she was having a very bad day so we say nothing.) At other times, we may realize our anger is like a raging volcano. Do not act at this time either. At such a time, keep talking to God, because you may end up screaming at someone and using words that are unjust, even cruel. At those times, ask God to help you keep on telling him every detail of that strong anger. You may need to talk to him more than once, until you can feel his calming presence and are able to forgive the offender before you have the talk. Then you can go to your critic/adversary and confront him or her.
If the person is unsafe emotionally (so mean that he or she would crush your feelings,) you may need to use the phone or a letter instead of going in person. You may need to bring along a friend. If the person is criminally unsafe, please do not go but allow the police to intervene. Never go to someone who is physically unsafe. Ask God to help you discern this. With the ex-husband of my past, I once confronted him on an issue where he was very sinful and prideful, and he raised a fist, but I dodged it and ran to the car and locked it and got away. I was not as wise back then (and am thankful that husband walked out on me, thus setting me free.)
Even when people do not apologize, after you let them know they hurt you, you can feel the relief of knowing you spoke the truth. Sometimes, when we speak the truth of our anger, we do not need the other person to change. We need ourselves to change—that is we need to believe in ourselves as God does. He gives us a conscience and wisdom and feelings, and when others hurt us, God actually calls us to rebuke them, (Luke 17: 3 “So watch yourselves! If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive.”)
If you attend a church where they have told you that it is ungodly or unlady-like to confront those who hurt you, consider leaving that church. That Scripture in Luke 17 did not say it was only for men. That verse is for women too. God gives women a sense of right and wrong. When girls are little, they often have a healthy sense of this, but society begins to insult them and encourage them to doubt the conscience God gave them. It is never wrong for a woman to defend her own honor and her feelings. Everyone should be treated with respect and dignity.
While Jesus did remain silent at his mock trials, he did not remain silent in earlier times. He did confront evil and rebuked sinners. His example is not just for men but for women too. God wants us to feel our anger and then act justly with it. He can help us to feel that anger, believe it is justified if God tells us so, and then express it to God so he can show us how to deal with it. God believes in you, and so do I! So if you have any questions, please ask me, because I want all women to know their dignity and value in God, including respecting the godly anger he gave them. Thanks for joining us in this week’s post.