Primal Deceit
In last week’s post, “My sin of Pride,” I discussed wrong ideas I developed, due to traumas in my very early childhood. I never dealt with those traumas so I developed wrong beliefs and then lived them out. This is just one of many ways that cause us to believe lies that will continue to harm us. But why do we have weaknesses for certain lies and not for others? We may not be tempted by a sin others struggle to resist. But we may fall for a temptation they can easily resist. Often these weaknesses begin in our childhood, although personality, genetics, and other factors can also impact our tendency towards these repeated patterns of temptation and sin. Please join me as I look at lies and sins we fall for repeatedly, and then let’s look at answers Scriptures give us for gradually gaining the victory over them.
Many different things can cause us to repeatedly fall for the same sin, such as when daughters of alcoholics fall in love with an alcoholic. Some of these women have told me they cannot believe they would do that, because they suffered when their own fathers abused alcohol. But I have also met men who married abusive wives, and these men had overbearing, abusive mothers. So this temptation lures both genders. The tendency to sin also occurs based upon personality/temperament differences. For example, a highly logical man may not be swayed by a plea to lure his feelings into something wrong, but he may fall for a sin that exults his intellect. A shy woman may not be lured to put others down and brag in the spotlight, but she may feel prideful and shun help she legitimately needs. As God makes us different, in personality, and in family of origin, Satan also looks for ways to exploit our differences. While God has a unique and good plan for our lives (Jer.29:11), Satan has a unique and destructive plan for our lives (John 10:10.)
Satan always counterfeits God’s work. He may not be original in his vile work, but he has always been highly effective, all the way back to his ploy for Adam and Eve’s fall in the Garden of Eden. Satan looks at our individual weaknesses and creates a bad plan that fits those weaknesses. Like cracks that break an otherwise strong wall, Satan can use traumas, neglect, and anything else unpleasant or harsh in our childhood, to destroy us. He wants to use those broken places to wedge apart the walls of our lives so we crumble and fall away from God. Remember this truth, for I will return to this idea of breaks and crumbling later in this post.
We need to know ourselves, our strengths and our weaknesses. Satan can use either of these to lure us, whether we glory in our strengths (instead of thanking God for them) or fall into sin due to our weaknesses. I’ve discussed personality in my earlier posts, so please look back at those posts if you want to explore concepts of personality in greater depth. When you know how God made you, you put some ammunition into your arsenal against Satan.
Also consider any ways you suffered in your youth. Even if you claim the suffering was minimal, Satan may harm you with false beliefs you developed during those times of trouble. You don’t need to dig up all your old traumas. But you must ask the Holy Spirit to help you if you continue to fall into repeated sins of a similar pattern.
Remember, my parents did not mean to neglect me when I was three years old, and my mom was violently ill. I did not consider the impact of her four year recovery and how she could not properly care for me during that time. For decades, I denied my mom’s illness had any impact on me. But I kept getting into trouble due to my pride of thinking I didn’t need help of any kind. I only began to acknowledge this truth in the last few years, as a mature woman. And as a mature woman, I have actively pursued God’s truth to help me fight this weakness. Perhaps, because I still fight this weakness, a person may think I am failing to find victory. But I have only recently admitted to this sin and its roots from that trauma in my childhood. If you are young and willing to face the lies of your childhood, you can begin to root them out at a younger age.
The twelve-step movement calls the fourth step an inventory and requires us to write down our weaknesses and strengths. Both of these can pull us into trouble. Yet we can use them for God’s glory too. For example, we can bring our weaknesses and pain to God to help others; 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” We can also use our strengths to help others; 1 Peter 4:10, “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.” We don’t look at our weaknesses and sins to condemn ourselves, but rather to alert ourselves to any places where Satan can attack us. Our sins and weaknesses may be places where we are more prone to fall for temptations. In knowing where we are weak, we can call upon God for his strength. Paul alluded to this when he said in 2 Cor. 12:10 “That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and the troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
We need to take our time to look back at our life. It may really hurt to admit to sorrows we suffered as children and youths. But hidden sorrow can still haunt us. In Proverbs 23:35, the alcoholic fool says, “They hit me, but I’m not hurt. They beat me, but I don’t feel it.” Such a person denies any pain he suffered. Jeremiah 10:19 says, “Woe is me because of my hurt. My wound is grievous: but I said, ‘truly this is grief and I must bear it,” as if he had to suffer in silence without anyone to comfort him. He also said in Jer. 6:14, “They have healed also the hurt of the daughter of my people slightly, saying, ‘Peace, ‘peace’ when there is no peace.” Others may try to convince us that what we suffered is not a big deal. But they are not you. They may process pain differently, or they may not have processed their pain at all! Look at Jacob. Years after he believed Joseph was dead, he was still grieving and clinging excessively to Joseph’s only full brother, Benjamin. He had never brought his pain to God and allowed God to comfort him (Genesis 37 to 50.)
Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a person, but the end thereof is the way of death,” again showing that people who are unaware of certain things (even sorrow) can be harmed by their ignorance. In all of these situations, deep pain was not truly addressed nor properly comforted. But Romans 8:26-27 reassures us that “The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.” If we faithfully come to God, he will help us to look at our past and see if we are still carrying sorrow that haunts us. Sadly I have met many people like Jacob who did not deal with family issues. These people so clearly suffer, but they deny any pain. Yet their lives lack victory. We do not need to be those people.
Remember the earlier part of this post when I mentioned the cracks that break walls and make them crumble? Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” We do become broken and crushed. But God can work with our broken hearts. Instead of Satan driving a wedge into the walls of our life, breaking them, so we fall away from God, we can bring those broken places (our hearts) to the Lord, so he can heal them. But we must reveal the broken places in our lives. Not everyone is safe to share our broken hearts with, but there is also shame in complete secrecy. First we can tell God about our traumas and broken hearts. And he will lead us to safe people to share those traumas with too. God made us to need Him first, and then to need others.
So in closing, I want to urge my readers, be aware of any sorrows, serious sicknesses, dangers, and traumas you and your family suffered when you were young. Please don’t assume they did not hurt you. Although you may not have fallen apart, you may still have breaks in your soul and heart that need God’s healing. He simply awaits your cry to him, and he is ready to listen and heal you. And please remember that even as God told the Israelites he would not drive out all the pagan nations right away, God knows your healing takes time. You may gradually uncover different traumas and lies over time, and then heal them gradually. Until we go to heaven, we will need to continually heal from pain in this life, but the good news is that God walks with us and brings us more and more of that wonderful healing and peace.
Thanks for joining me in this week’s post. Please share your ideas and stories with me, because I listen to you and cherish your ideas and hearts.