Each of my daughters asks me to say, “You are my favorite child,” and I always say, “No, I can’t have a favorite child. My sense of mercy is so strong, if I thought I preferred one of you, I would feel so sad for the neglected child, I would have to love her just as much too.”
This is true. Yet I am blessed, because both of my daughters share many of the same preferences in personality, (temperament), as I do, so loving them is easy, and they can tell how much I love them (individually). But what about moms who have daughters or sons who are vastly different from them? Could these moms find one child harder to love? I wrote about this in my earlier post “Imperfect Person or personality.” If you missed it, please check out that post.
I want to introduce the concept of personality, our innate tendencies towards certain ways of living. Later, if you are still curious, I can share an in-depth study on personality. But for now, I want to explain the basics about personality and temperament. I must warn you: some people do not believe in differences in personality, such as the Myer’s Briggs (MB) temperament sorter (where you can answer questions about your natural preferences across four broad categories.) From these, 16 distinct personalities emerge, and people tend to find commonalities in certain categories, differing from some others. But some people say the MB is all made up and no more reliable than astrology. There are many other ways of sorting personality too, and no one’s personality is better than another. People of all personality types are intelligent too. MB does not measure aptitude, nor predict success. You can be successful while preferring any personality type. Furthermore, people change as they age, and even if they have the same temperament, they may favor using other aspects more than others (a free spirit learning to be better organized, a “thinker” learning to show more compassion etc.)
These same people insist all people have the same (or nearly the same) personality, and it is theirs. They actually believe everyone is the same as them. When people act differently from them, they either say they are rebelling (and thus are weird) or they are pretending to be different from who they truly are. Sadly I have seen this so often, and those people have hurt the people who differ from them.
Another group of people acknowledge people are different but they unconsciously assume people are the nearly the same as them, and they are shocked when people act very differently than them. Both of these people groups put everyone else into a box of their own making: mirrors of themselves.
The MB is not a clinical test, and if a person does not answer with genuine self reflection, she may not find her true preferences (or she may have close preferences in two areas). This is a subjective answer check list, where the reader decides what she prefers. This is part of why some criticize this and other personality sorters. The strict scientists claim ALL people have much the same desires, views, etc. and thus they will answer very differently from day to day, year to year, and by season of life. They say personality is too nebulous. The problem with this thinking is that it denies innate differences in people. People are truly different, and one of the worst sins is pride, closely related to hateful envy. Some people want what they do not have. We can accept our innate differences and value who God made us to be, both our weaknesses (which we may want to hide, due to pride or shame) and our strengths (but not let our pride cause us to flaunt those strengths). We can thank God for how he made us, and we can have peace with ourselves and with others.
This is why I love the concept of learning about preferences, whether they are in personality, love or learning styles. In fact, food preferences, music preferences, décor preferences and all the other preferences we have truly do differentiate us from one another. When we can respect that others have undeniable differences, innate ones, we can value them and not demand they be more like us. This sinful question, “Why can’t they all be more like me?” reminds me of Biblical stories of jealousy, from Saul being jealous of David’s successes, to Cain’s jealousy of Abel and subsequent murder of this godly brother. Cain wanted to be like Abel without having Abel’s godliness. Cain’s sacrifice was not pleasing to God. We cannot look at the personality of another and envy it, nor over value our own personality and denigrate someone who is different.
Paul talked about our Christian body of believers as being like a human body, where each had a DIFFERENT part. (1 Corinthians 12:12 There is one body, but it has many parts. But all its many parts make up one body. It is the same with Christ. )
Learning about temperament can help us take a gal out of that box and let her be the individual God made her to be. As a result I am discussing personalities. Today I will discuss the Myer’s Briggs personality sorter, but in later posts I will discuss others ways of analyzing personality (The Four Greek Temperaments, love preferences, learning preferences and more). Of the four pairs of categories MB analyzes, you can see which one of each set of pairs (there are four sets of pairs) you prefer (use more dominantly and proficiently).
Extroversion vs. Introversion:
I’ll discuss extroversion first. How do we interact with our world (and where does our energy come from)? Do we focus on the outside world and take action? Do we get energy by being with people for at least part of the day? Do we feel relatively open towards strangers? Do we have multiple friends? Extroverts are much more common than introverts, and the US society tends to value them over introverts (which is a shame!). Do we get tired if we spend too much time alone? Do we feel inspired if another person is cheering us on?
Introverts: do we focus on our inner world, and our ideas? Do we hold back, at least a bit, when first meeting people? Do we find spending long periods of time with people tires us, and then we need time alone to re-energize? Do we prefer fewer friends but having more depth in the relationships we have?
Sadly, many introverts are disrespected for their quiet, gentle reserve. Those who deny that personalities are distinct say introverts are purposely being shy, and yet they miss the rich inner life of an introvert who welcomes you into her world. I have found introverts are the most misunderstood and least appreciated of the types.
I am a weak extrovert, meaning I love people and need some interaction, but if people are hostile, I clam up. Furthermore, I need lots of time alone, and I can get lost in my thoughts. But I do need people, including for my energy to be re-filled. I do enjoy talking to friendly-looking people, even strangers, at the grocery store.
The reason I am not a strong extrovert comes from my preference in the 2nd category on the MB scale.
Intuitive vs. Sensory:
Intuitives are less common than sensories (so if you prefer introversion and the intuitive side, you are very, very rare). As a result, intuitives are often teased by sensories partly because there are so many more sensories than intuitives (which likely also causes sensories to believe this proves there is no such thing as different types, since so many more people are sensories like them).
Intutives see the big picture and look for patterns in life. They have a rich inner life (much like introverts). They use their imagination. They look to the future. With their intuition, they can jump to a conclusion that is actually accurate, yet they may have trouble explaining how they figured it out. They look below the surface in relationships and often spot inconsistencies between a fake smile and the true pain her friend is hiding. Intuitives might be forgetful, because they are so lost in thought, they could forget the outside world. They might read, write or do something creative for so long, they are startled to realize they have become very cold or hungry and only now emerge to notice they are shivering or their stomach growls. They need time alone to think, imagine, dream and create. These types are less traditional. Intuitives who also have the feeling side are considered to be the most idealistic and romantic of the types. But intuitives who have the thinking preference are not romantic or idealistic, but rather highly logical.
Sensories are sensible in that they value what they take in, based upon their five senses, details and facts (tangible). They are oriented to today less than the future (and are more often good at being on time). They might never miss a meal, because they are aware, not only of their hunger, but also of the clock that tells them, “This is time for a meal.” A friend would be better able to offer a fake smile and say, “I’m fine,” and fool a sensory. Sensories make sure important details are met (budget, safety issues, meals on time, and basic human needs). Truly we need sensories and intutitives, because someone has to be practical (sensories) and someone has to search out the deeper things like a hurting friend who fakes joy (intiutitves). Sensors who have the judging side are considered to be the most conventional and practical of types. Yet sensors who have the perceiving side are considered to be the most body aware/capable and the most fun loving of the types.
Feeler vs. Thinker:
Human population is more evenly divided between these two types. More often a man falls under the thinker category, and a woman under the feeler (I am a feeler). But there are thinker women and feeler men. My parents fit this less common type (my mom was the thinker woman, my dad the feeler man). All women think as well as feel, and all men feel as well as think. So please know I am simply reporting facts that have been recorded for many decades by people taking the MB Questionnaire where they report their preferences (where more women answered according to the feeling style, and men according to the thinking style). Furthermore, women who are feelers are just as good at thinking, learning and applying what they learn. They simply approach life with the feeling side of compassion more.
Since I am a feeler, I will introduce this gal next. A feeler approaches the world more openly and with her heart, concerned for the people involved. She may be called warm hearted, and she would say it is worse to be merciless than unjust. She will judge by her feelings and she wants to empathize with others.
The thinker gal approaches life from a more detached way. She may engage her logical side first. She will judge by logic. She wants to analyze. She could be called cool headed. She would say it is better to be unjust than merciless.
Finally, MB sorts how we process or approach our world, whether in a flexible, spontaneous way (perceiver) or in an organized, carefully planned way (judgers). The human population appears evenly divided into these 2 categories too.
Perceivers vs. Judgers:
A perceiver doesn’t want to make a final decision right away. She likes open options and may delay decisions (which can result in messes like piles on a desk). She may be more ready to act spontaneously (and is fun to call at the last minute). Some call her a free spirit.
A judger wants to settle matters more quickly. She is more comfy with a decision after she has settled it. She is more likely to be organized (or tries to be) and on time. She may appear more traditional. The US society favors judgers, based upon the traditional school system and other institutions, and judgers may run corporations, schools and other institutions. As a result, perceivers tend to be counted as odd balls, even though they are not less common. Some perceivers try to blend in with judgers, and thus may seem less common.
From these four categories come 16 distinct personality types. So, do these 16 personality types describe everything about personality? No. So, wait for a future post where I discuss love languages, the Four Greek Temperaments, learning preferences and other fun things. Remember, the MB’s 16 personality types are relatively broad. For example, both my dad (now deceased) and I share the ENFP preference. But on the “Greek Temperament” scale, my dad is a choleric (bossy, at times angry type), while I am a sanguine (often cheerful, playful type). Although we seem the same via MB, via the Greek Temperaments, we are quite different. So while you cannot learn everything about yourself or another person by learning her preferred MB type, you can learn quite a bit, including how she is different from you and how you differ from others. So just use this information for fun and for a better opportunity to understand yourself and others. These are glimpses into who God made you and who God made your friends to be.
Let’s look at the 16 MB types. I will share preferences of my family and also of famous women who are said to fit these types. I will give a brief description of each type too. Remember, for depth of study, I will share another post and if you still don’t know which type describes your preferences, I will include my own MB questionnaire. And if you are in a hurry to get the questionnaire, ask me for it and I can email it to you before I put up that future, deeper post.
So here we go!
ENFP (My Lindsey and me, and my dad was one too) Famous woman with this type : Sandra Bullock. They are both idea-people and people-people. They want to both help (at least, by their own definition of “help”) and be liked and admired by other people, and groups. They do not get excited easily unless something meets their values. Then they may quickly become enthusiastic, especially if they can help others. They constantly think about the future and of ways to improve themselves and others.
INFP (My Amy) Famous woman with this type: Helen Keller. They are introspective, cooperative, attentive, wildly compassionate and empathetic to others. They are quiet and reserved, and prefer to spend their time with a few close friends. They have intense feelings and deep values that affect how they live. They do not talk about their deep feelings, and may not even consider all of them, until something stirs them. Then they may feel passionately and work fervently to help someone they love.
ENTP (my husband ) Famous woman with this type: Celine Dion. They fulfill many roles, whether they choose to become an innovator, originator, lawyer, inventor, explorer, visionary, or engineer. They bring many positive inventions into our world. They may be intuitive, but they are rational thinkers, not romantics. They see how people, things, and ideas relate, and they can analyze them in detail. As innovators and entrepreneurs, they want things to work in a better way, and they always look for new projects, new enterprises, new processes. They love to build a better gadget.
INTP Famous woman with this type: Meryl Streep. They are quiet, pragmatic, analytical, individualistic and they enjoy spending long periods of time on their own, working through problems and forming solutions. They may become distracted by their thoughts and then seem detached, because they are oblivious to the world around them. They can shut out people as they focus on analyzing something.
ENFJ Famous woman with this type: Selena Gomez. They are compassionate with so much charisma they draw others to their nurturing, mentoring style. They could manipulate others with their unusually strong people skills and personality. But they don’t mean their draw on people to be manipulation. They generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.
INFJ Famous woman with this type: Cate Blanchett. They are independent, conscientious and driven to pursue their values. They are nearly the most private of all introverts. These are people who must have some privacy and space. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, so they can understand themselves and others.
ENTJ Famous woman with this type: Adele. They are born leaders. Even when they are young they will take control of a group. They are often good business people. They are assertive, outspoken, confident, pragmatic, outgoing, energetic, charismatic, fair-minded, and unaffected by conflict or criticism. They do need to be careful, since they can come across as argumentative, confrontational, insensitive, intimidating, and controlling. They can overwhelm others with their energy, intelligence, and desire to organize things.
INTJ Famous woman with this type: Audrey Hepburn. They are introverts with a pragmatic nature and attention to details. They prefer to work alone and are not sociable. They are possibly the most introverted of all types. They love ideas and will check out new ideas to see if they are possible or if they can change what is already there. They quickly perceive details and if they like what they see, they believe they can reach their goals through the information they have discovered.
ESTJ (my mom was one, and my sister is one) Famous woman with this type: Bette Davis. They are outspoken, and they really believe in their principles, and they expect others to follow their principles too. They stand up for what they believe in even if many people (or circumstances) oppose them. They can make the tough or impersonal decisions quickly, and they do not back down.
ISTJ Famous woman with this type: Natalie Portman. They are faithful, logical, dutiful, organized, sensible, and earnest conventionalists. They support causes they believe in and want a peaceful and secure life. In their quiet way, they make sure people follow rules, respect laws, and uphold standards. “We’ve always done it this way” is often their motto.
ESFJ (my maternal grandma was one) Famous woman with this type: Ariana Grande. They deeply value friendships and are outgoing, and gregarious. They often talk to friends about joy they felt in the past years. They love to and need to talk.
ISFJ Famous woman with this type: Kate Middleton. They work hard to keep order and harmony. They meticulously handle their responsibilities. Although quiet, they are warm, sympathetic people-oriented and very observant. They remember details about others, are cooperative, and respect others’ feelings.
ESTP Famous woman with this type: Angelina Jolie. They need to use their hands, and they do not like to day dream but want to enjoy the present and share the good times with their friends. They like to be available for new opportunities and can change their plans to enjoy the new situation. They like to be in motion and hates to complain about problems, when they can work them out instead. They find life exciting, and want to do everything that is available to them.
ISTP Famous woman with this type: Amelia Earhart. They analyze situations, to understand a problem and then quickly repair what is wrong. They like to know how things operate, especially if they can make things work more efficiently. They are realistic and do not like “nonsense” or whimsy. They know how to troubleshoot and are good with their hands as they work on machines and computers or do detective work. They tend to be quiet people and may seem detached.
ESFP Famous woman with this type: Oprah Winfrey. They live their lives as passionately as they can. They do not want to miss any opportunity. They live in the present and enjoy people and physical pleasures. They will enjoy their lives, even if they live unconventionally or must be creative to pursue their goals. They love to relax from work and enjoy other comforts and they encourage others to do the same. They are the most fun-loving.
ISFP Famous woman with this type: Scarlett Johansson. They are peaceful, easygoing people who respect others and do their best to lead a quiet life. They do not like to be rushed, and enjoy their own pace and enjoy the present moment. They are agreeable, considerate, caring and devoted.
Remember, if you feel like I did not go deeply enough into personality, so you are still unsure of which type fits your preferences, I will later post a list of questions that help you figure where your preferences lie. I will also post a longer description of the types in a future post. But first I will be posting brief overviews of the other aspects of personality and temperament.
I actually wrote a little book (about 120 pages) about how to use the various aspects of preferences (personality, temperament, learning styles, etc.) to help inspire gals to reach their goals. I am not offering the book now, because it is not finished. Like the typical “perceiver” I had to leave it to work on more pressing issues. I can offer the book in the future if readers are interested.