Some people want to be imposters. While some of us sincerely love Jesus but have sins that cause us to feel like we are “bad” and thus imposters, others genuinely want to deceive others but act like they are “good” people. Since I already spoke about myself and others who feel like bad people who do not want to be imposters, this week I will look at those who enjoy playing that role so they can hurt people.
These imposters are especially dangerous, because our society often says only women are the imposters. In secular and Christian literature, I hear a misleading phrase, “Men just want the woman they marry to stay the gal she was when he dated her, but women want to change the man they date, after they marry him.” Over and over I have heard that men are sincere as they date, and they reveal their hearts to the woman, but women act deceptively so they can trap a man. I also hear this about women in business and even in friendship. The false statement says that women deceive in their relationships, but men are sincere, unless the man is trying to trick a gal to have sex before marriage. They claim that in all other ways, men are sincere. While some women are tricksters, many men also play the imposter, tricking a gal into marriage and then trying to change her or tricking women in business deals, and even in friendship.
Why does the church not recognize this danger and warn gals? Where did this idea come from that only women act like imposters, trying to deceive others? I understand that in the book of Revelation, the Jezebel Spirit is to be condemned, (Rev.2:18-29.) This demonic spirit was named after the evil, Old Testament wife of King Ahab (1Kings chapter 16.) That woman was deceitful and a murderer. The woman, described as Jezebel in Revelations chapter two, was also deceitful and lead others into immorality.
But many Biblical men were also deceitful and lead others into heresy and immorality. Look at Korah’s rebellion in Numbers 16, Balaam’s deceit in Numbers 22, King Saul’s dishonesty and attempts to murder David in 1Samuel 10-12, King David’s deceit in molesting Bathsheba and then having her husband murdered in 2 Samuel 11-12, wicked King Jehoram in Chronicles 21:4, Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus, and the Jewish leaders who had a mock trial and killed Jesus in all four of the Gospels, among many other wicked men in the Bible.
I will not name him, but a pastor on the radio admitted he pretended to be a Christian, and once they were married, he tried to destroy his wife’s Christian faith. Over time he did become a Christian and apologized to his wife and now does his best to serve her instead of hurting her. But, according to secular and Christian advice, this man is the exception. He is not. I meet so many women who married men who also pretended to be Christians. Some of these men only confessed this during the divorce proceedings. Some even say they are bitter that the women did not change for them. The first man I married actually admitted, during our divorce proceedings, he did not believe in God like I do and only pretended to do so. He said he was bitter I did not change for him, saying, “That was what a good Christian gal would do for her husband.” I was horrified by this statement, because any Christian who sets aside her faith to please her husband would be making an idol of him.
So I will be the one to warn Christian gals that these men exist, and many of them attend our churches. I used to think my mistake in marrying a fake Christian was the exception. But then I began to meet woman after woman who experienced the same deceit. And it is not just in romantic relationships where men deceive others in the church. When I was at churches, raising support for my missionary work, a man pretended to have a romantic interest in me. He actually wanted to get me into a multi-marketing scheme to help him financially.
But since the romantic area is so heart-wrenching, I want to emphasize this danger in today’s post. I suspect gals are most susceptible to this danger if they grew up in authoritarian homes where the daughters were discouraged from asking questions and thinking for themselves. If these daughters had different ideas from their parents, they were often told they were rebelling, even if the differences were things liking or not liking ball sports, art, a different style of music, or even eating different foods than their family. There can be so many petty things these authoritarian parents demand of their children, including complete compliance. Sometimes these parents claim they represent God and his expectation that children should not rebel.
But in the end, those parents are not representing God but their own flesh. They remind me of the warning Paul gave in Romans 16:17b-18 “Watch out for people who cause divisions and upset people’s faith by teaching things contrary to what you have been taught. Stay away from them. Such people are not serving Christ our Lord; they are serving their own personal interests. By smooth talk and glowing words they deceive innocent people.” They just want clones of themselves who are just like them. The differences these parents oppose are God-given differences that He wants the children to enjoy as they serve His Kingdom. And as a result these daughters grow up unable to question others, even guys who claim to be Christians but who may have questionable credentials.
Another ploy the deceivers use is to demand trust, even acting offended if a gal questions him. They may angrily say, “What’s wrong with you? Don’t you trust me?” as if not trusting someone a gal has newly met is wrong. These gals do not know that trust must be earned over time. Even women who grew up in a loving home can be susceptible to such frauds if these gals are naïve and if their parents fail to teach them about such frauds. While we yearn for an ideal world, we cannot let our children assume our current world is ideal. Even in the church, frauds lurk, wanting to get one of the “good Christian” gals for himself, due to his sick thinking that “She will submit to my every whim.” Such men do not want to serve Jesus and their wives but their own personal interests. They misrepresent Christ, since a true husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians chapter 5.)
Men like that do not want to honor Christ’s desire for unity in the church and in the home. They are tyrants, and eventually the women begin to realize these men do not seem like Christ and the way he served the church, as a good husband is supposed to be. Look at Ephesians 5:25-31. Notice in these verses that Christ gave himself up for his wife. A good man will sacrifice for his wife. He will want to do the hard things and not demand them of his wife. His attitude will be of giving and not taking.
Even in dating, a gal can be cautious about a man. Some guys will pretend to love and serve their mothers, because secular society has warned women to look at that relationship. These men know to pretend to honor their moms. But look at how these men speak of any female bosses, teachers, sisters, aunts, and other women in their lives, especially if the women had a position of authority over them. If this man resents these women and their authority over him, he does not respect women, and he will not respect you one day too. Also look at the man’s view of the homeless and disabled. If this man lacks compassion for the most vulnerable in our world, he will one day lack compassion for you too.
I did not want to write a long post about this problem, because my main goal today was to warn gals. Please share this post with any gal you know who will one day go on dates. Especially share it with any gals who may be naïve or in danger of falling for an imposter. God has such good plans for our lives, and we need to encourage one another in the path he has called us to follow. Imposters do not want us to follow God’s good path for our lives!
May the Lord bless you this week—thanks for joining us in this post.