I want to share a true story about a mom who struggled to love her child. In fact, she is not the only mother I have met who struggles to love a child who is very different from her. My friend and I visited a pastor’s wife who was devoted to the Lord and her family. She was a sensible and extroverted lady. She had a daughter, much like herself, and a shy younger son. The daughter was easy to get to know, and the mom proudly talked about how wonderful her daughter was. Yet we never heard her speak up about the son.
Despite the mom’s silence, the gentle nature of the young son captured my attention. Over the course of three days, he had my friend and me mesmerized and smiling at him due to his gentle charm. This little guy was deeply introverted, and did not speak up easily. Under his shy exterior, he had a loving heart, and he was often lost in thought and sometimes distracted although a very obedient child. I felt honored when he stopped to speak to me and eagerly bent down and listened to anything he wanted to say. I asked related questions, and he rewarded me by telling me more.
One day at the beach, he studied the water and then calmly threw a very large rock into the water. He never said a word, just stood watching the ripples, studying the result of his experiment. I could almost see the scientist in him! He knew how to study nature. I totally respected his quiet action.
His mom was also watching him. She had an annoyed and puzzled look on her face as if she had no idea why he had just done this. She said, “Can you see why I find him so hard to love?” I was speechless and stunned by her question, unable to answer. Yet I admired her desperate honesty. I wish I could have comforted this mom, but I could not think of anything to say. So my friend and I kept enjoying the little guy. We enjoyed talking to him, and somehow his mom heard our conversations with him.
At the end of those three days, my friend and I spoke of this little guy’s depth of character and big heart. By God’s grace, this mom said she had never realized these qualities, but because we pointed them out, she did see them. Her little son was not a “too shy, impractical, odd guy.” He had a beautiful personality. This mom said we had helped her deal with a son she had found so difficult, and we had helped her to better love him. I was so glad she did find comfort in our interactions, even though I had been too surprised and shy to talk to her about her struggles. By God’s grace, she found hope for this mother-son relationship, even though I never addressed it.
When we left, his mom called my friend. She quoted what her son asked: “Did those ladies leave?” She told him we did, and she also told us he stammered and then said: “I loved them.” The mom went on to say he rarely opened up to strangers. I was amazed. How could we have so touched his heart, when all we did was enjoy him? We felt like the blessed ones to get to interact with him.
I am convinced we can touch children’s (and adults’) hearts. I had no idea I was permanently impacting a mother and her. I just invested my time in him and enjoyed him for who he was, unaware his mom was not happy with his personality. I did no hard work. It was so easy to enjoy this delightful little boy. This dear lady was struggling, and I had no idea, but somehow God enabled my love for her son to comfort the mom and draw her closer to her son who had such a very, very different personality from hers.
That experience, compounded with my own childhood struggles (my personality, which is found in about 5% of US population, was often questioned-even classified as “wrong,”) has empowered me to not be shy about encouraging others, even if I share my painful stories too. I want every gal to know how precious she is, just the way God made her. As you can see, I did not struggle to bless the mom and son. I was probably like a leaf falling off a tree—just being natural, but God chose to use me to help both of these precious people. If I (as a young and very silly twenty-year old) could help them, I know you can too, and not by striving to save others, but by being yourself and sincerely loving others. You have no idea how valuable you are to our world. We need you, and our world needs you to be just the gal God made you to be.
In a later post I will talk about different personalities, and if you find someone difficult to understand or love, perhaps you have a different personality (the way this mom and her young son differed).
I am honored you are reading my stories. Please keep coming back, because you truly are priceless, and I hope I can show you this.