In last week’s post, “When Christian Phrases Seem Meaningless,” I mentioned my inability to apply the phrase “Keep your eyes on Jesus,” because I had not grieved and released my sorrows and traumas. Pain blocked my ability to fully embrace this idea of “keeping my eyes on Jesus.” I did not realize I was allowed to grieve, because I did not know Scriptures give us permission to grieve.
This truth may sound foolish, coming from someone who read her Bible faithfully. But so many people misapply Scripture, even as they read it. For example, I had been trained, from my earliest days, to read the Bible in a legalistic, stoic, self-sufficient way. Certain verses had been emphasized like this one in John 20:17, “And Jesus said to her, ‘Do not cling to me’.” I was told that Jesus did not want Mary to touch him, because she needed to keep her tears to herself and be strong. A friend of mine said her dad taught her that King David was a cry baby, due to his sorrow in the book of Psalms. Some preachers misapply Psalm 51:5, “In sin did my mother conceive me.” They claim that all sex is a sin even in marriage and should never be enjoyed, even by spouses, and I met a woman who believed this lie about sex.
Liars have made many wrong applications of Scripture, and in my case, I was taught it is a sin to be sad. My father actually told me this, and I was yelled at and spanked if I did not smile upon command. I was told I was not pleasing God. My dad was a pastor who also read the Scripture, but his father had taught him this lie, and he still believed it, to his own sorrow too. None of these lies please Jesus. Jesus gives us permission to have the full spectrum of human emotions. He also wants us to find pleasure in the life he gives us (including a wife enjoying sex with her gentle, kind husband—contrary to what that woman tried to tell me.) He just wants us to bring those emotions to him, so we can heal and be forgiven of our sins.
Scripture gives us permission to be exactly who God has called us to be, and to feel the feelings God has given us, and to enjoy the rich life he gives us. Yet so many liars tell us otherwise. Some lie because they are deceived, while others lie because they know what they are doing and want to control others. I don’t know about the preacher who told the lie to the woman who believed all sex is a sin. This woman hated the Bible and never read it. She actually lived a very ungodly life but called herself a Christian, because she attended church once per week but then lived unrighteously the rest of the week. It is sad that she told this lie to all of her children and demanded they follow her “advice” in their married lives. She even told this to her sons-in law and daughters-in law. In her case, if she had simply read the Scripture, she would have seen that having sex (“to be fruitful and multiply”) is what God himself commanded of Adam and Eve (Gens.1:28) and Noah (Gens.9:1.) God never commands his people to sin. And Song of Solomon shows the joy of a married couple’s sex life.
But when people do not read the Bible and take a single verse out of context, or if they read the Bible from a skewed bias, they will not hear God’s heart. Undoing many years (even decades) of wrong teaching is hard for many Christians. A pastor said that it is easier for an atheist to become a Christian and grow in the Lord than for a believer to unlearn false teaching about the Lord. I appreciate that pastor’s compassion, yet I still hate all the years I spent not fully embracing all of God’s grace. I worked so hard to please the Lord when he was already pleased with my surrendered, repentant, eager, loving heart. I carried so much false shame that God never meant for me to carry. I trusted so many cruel people, because controlling peopled love my false shame.
Controlling people pursue those burdened by false shame. Paul warns about such people: Romans 16:17b-18 “Watch out for people who cause divisions and upset people’s faith by teaching things contrary to what you have been taught. Stay away from them. Such people are not serving Christ our Lord; they are serving their own personal interests. By smooth talk and glowing words they deceive innocent people.”
With guilt trips, controlling people love to take advantage of people who are shame-based. They will demand unpaid overtime work, or unreasonable favors. They will kick them when they are down. They will take, take and take from people who are shame-based and imply this is their lot in life. I am dismayed when I see this happen in people’s lives, and I pray that as they read my blog, they will see the loving heart of Jesus.
There are people with legitimate needs like widows, orphans, those learning disabled, lonely hurting people and others. But when we give to these people, often they will respond with respect and even gratitude. Of course there will be thankless people we will show kindness to, but we cannot be in a partnership with people who are takers and shamers. That is being unequally yoked, and God does not call us to that life (2Cor.6:14-18.) But shamers and controlling people don’t want Christians to recognize the need to not be yoked with them. Whether it is in business partnership, romantic relationships, or close friendship, these people are happy to take and deceive and imply a good Christian must keep giving to them since Scripture does mention being kind to the unthankful (Luke 6:35 “But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Highest. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil.”) There is a difference between showing some kindness to someone in need versus giving to someone who only wants to take. Remember Paul also said, “He who will not work, neither shall he eat,” (2Thes.3:10.) We are not to be close friends with unrighteous people (Exodus 23:1.)
Unrighteous people (controllers, those who shame and deceive others) do not want us to know the full Scriptures. When we understand the full Scriptures, these harsh people lose their control over us. For me, I had to unlearn many lies over many years. But an essential Bible verse helped me: Hebrews 10:25, “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.” As I spent more time with grace filled believers, they taught me the truth about God’s love. I knew so much about the Law and sin, but not enough about God’s tender mercies for me. True believers helped me to see the truth, even as Priscilla and Aquila did for Apollos when he did not fully understand the Gospel (Acts18:26.)
It has been a joy to walk in the freedom of my faith. I can say, “No” to unreasonable demands of people who are capable of doing their own work (Gal.6:5, “For each shall carry their own load.”) The load mentioned in this verse is comparable to a full back pack. It is the work that person is capable of doing and should be doing. When the Bible admonishes us to carry another’s load, (Galatians 6:2) this load is comparable to a boulder—something that person cannot carry. Too many people do not want to be responsible for their own work but are willing to shove it onto shame-based people who do not know the difference between those two verses in Galatians. Controlling people do not want us to fully understand the Scriptures, and neither does the devil.
Satan wants us to be burdened with false shame, so we do not hear God’s heart for us. When we do not realize how valuable we are to God, those shaming people will use us and insult us, and their darts will strike our hearts. When Christians speak out against sin, the secular world hates us and tries to shame us too. But when we know the Scripture, we can recognize that these people are angry, because we have called out their sin, even as Jesus told some unbelievers in John 7:7 “The world can’t hate you, but it does hate me, because I accuse it of doing evil.” The world will hate us when we tell them, “No,” to their unrighteous demands and when we call their sin a sin.
But as we know the truth, we can stand firmly in our faith. And in my case, I can rest in the joy of knowing I am a delight to Jesus and no burden for him to love. Jesus does not mock me for my human weaknesses or even for the sins I commit. He corrects my sins with respect and love (Proverbs 3:12 “For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.”) And he bears with me and does not demand I do more than I can (Psalms 103:14, “For he knows how we are formed; he remembers that we are dust.”)
Breaking free from false beliefs about God takes time and fellowship with freedom-loving Christians who know and follow God’s true heart (as found in the entire Scriptures, not a few verses taken out of context.) We can welcome the Lord into our grief and confusion so he can heal us. Then all the wonderful Christian phrases (like: “Keep your eyes on Christ,”) will make sense, because our lives will make sense.
Thanks for joining us in this week’s post. I pray we’ve blessed you.