In last week’s post, “Not Forsaking the Fellowship,” I mentioned feeling like an imposter who did good things but felt like a bad person. This is a ploy of Satan to separate people from one another. When a person feels like a bad person, even if she is godly, she will hide her vulnerable side from others. This keeps her from having the fullest experience of Christian fellowship. Let’s look at this lie that tells a Christian gal she is a bad person instead of the redeemed woman Christ calls her.
Once a woman has surrendered her heart to Christ, he promises to make her into a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17 “If anyone is in Christ, he <and she> is a new creation; the old has gone, and the new has come.”) As she grows in Christ, she normally feels more and more like the new woman Christ has made her to be. Of course she will be aware of her sin, but now she should feel like she is growing as she learns to know the Lord better, (Cols.3:10, “Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your creator and become like him.”) This normal progress enables her to see how she has grown in Christ and to feel confident in his ability to heal and change her from a sinner into a woman of God.
But Satan likes to tell women they are not good enough. He tells them that due to their past, they are unredeemable. While Satan does not directly contradict the Scripture that she is a new creation in Christ, he obscures this verse and others like it. He causes her to look at the things she did wrong and to ponder the people who still dislike or even hate her. If she has family members who still disrespect her and remind her of her past sins, she may feel like she has not fully repented of them. Or she may feel bad, due to her own memory of those sins. She may develop the wrong idea that Jesus loves some people more than others. She may struggle with forgiving herself for her past wrongs too.
In my case, since my own mother found me very hard to love, I imagined I was just such a burden to Christ too. And because my father was a work-a-holic and had such a temper, I assumed I caused his anger and that I also angered God. I figured that Christ had to love me the way my mom and dad felt they HAD to love me too, as a burden they had to care for but not as someone they delighted in. So their love felt like a burden or obligation they offered to me. I did not mean to transfer this belief onto God, but I did anyway. So I sensed that I was not a joy to the Lord. This lie caused me to not feel like a good person, even while doing all the “right things” (reading my Bible, getting good grades, obeying teachers and parents, working hard, staying out of trouble, etc.) I still felt like a bad kid. I was not noble for thinking I was not a good person, I was just plain wrong. But I did not know how to think differently.
No matter what reason causes a sincere Christian gal to believe she is a bad person, God wants to free her from this lie. This “Imposter Syndrome” is a lie Satan uses to separate people from one another. God wants us to feel safe and then bear our hearts with a few select people. It is not enough for us to love and forgive others and show them kindness, because I did that while NOT sharing my fears, hurts, sorrows, angers and confusion with anyone else. And of course I should not share that vulnerability with everyone, just a few safe people who need to know that side of me. That way I can find full healing and acceptance. When we share the vulnerable sides of our nature with a godly and kind person, she (or he) loves and accepts us the way the Lord does. The other person may not perfectly accept us (since we can only do our best, as sinners), but as long as that person loves us and receives us with as much love as she (or he) can give, we get a glimpse of God’s acceptance of us too. Of course God’s acceptance is the best, and he does a perfect job of accepting us. But when Christians show other Christians acceptance and forgiveness and encouragement, we get a strong sense of God’s love too. I know, because I have lived this truth when I began to share some of my pain with others. As they were kind and accepting, I felt less like a burden. And sometimes the other person shared some of the fears, sorrows or annoyances I had. I felt a commonality with others that I did not know existed. I was amazed that they were happy to hear this side of my nature, because my own parents did not like to hear about my sadness, fears, confusion or anger. They wanted me to present myself as a perfect, unruffled person.
Since my parents wanted me to act like I was perfect, I believed that the best Christians did not sin anymore. Since my mom did not believe a parent ever has to apologize to her children, my mom never modeled apologizing for sin. She always seemed to be perfect, and if she did something wrong, she either denied it or got angry if we brought it up. So she seemed perfect, and since I knew I sinned, and my mom pointed out some of my sins, I felt like I was not a “good Christian” like she was. I now realize she did sin, just like me. But the illusion, that some Christians are perfect, caused me to think I was a “different Christian,” one who sinned, while “perfect Christians” like my mom never sinned. Thus I believed I must truly be a very bad Christian. This shows me that Christians must be honest and admit they sin, so the rest of us can know we are not some kind of “defective Christian” who does sin while they do not. When Christians pretend to be perfect and refuse to admit to their sins, they hurt the rest of us who know we are very sinful.
We need to be kind to one another and admit we are not perfect so we do not set up unreasonable expectations for our children and other Christians. We need to be humble and gentle so others know we are tempted by sin too. For example Gal.6:1-3 “Dear Brothers and Sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone else you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.” We need to let others know we feel tempted by sin too, even if we do our best to resist it.
So often we think we are the only ones who are bad, and you can define “bad “according to your own pain (“bad” because you are too worried, “bad” because you were abused, “bad” because you did bad things in your past, “bad” because you have a temper, “bad” because others said this about you, etc.) Even if you feel this way, please know this is not how God sees you. God speaks of delighting in us (Deut.30:10, 2Sam.22:20, Psalm147:11, Psalm 149:4, Proverbs 3:12, Zeph.3:17, just to name a few verses about how God delights in us!) Because I did not felt like a delight to my own parents, I sought out those Scriptures and memorized them.
And if Satan throws up your past saying God cannot use you, remember that Abraham lied about his wife twice, and immediately after Abraham’s second offense, God still called Abraham his prophet, (Gens.20:7.) Saul the Pharisee killed Christians, but when he converted into a Christian, God used him to draw people to Jesus (from the Book of Acts.) Moses murdered an Egyptian (Exodus2:11-22.) The list of sinners in the Bible is long. Yet so many of these sinners repented, and God used them for his glory. He can definitely use you and me, despite our pasts.
I know some people feel like an imposter, because they actually want to be one. They like to do bad things, although they pretend to be good people. However in today’s post, I only want to discuss those who do their best to live godly lives yet still feel like “bad” people.
God gradually took away my shame and erased the sense of being an imposter. But do I ever fall back into feeling that way? Yes! This may be a tender spot for the rest of my life, but it is no longer a strong hold. Sometimes I still think I am not as godly as others. Perhaps I do have a stronger will (sin nature), but I know I also have a strong desire to please God and serve others. Thus I remind myself that I am God’s child, not an imposter. Satan likes to tell me lies, but I remind myself that even if I sin today, that does not make me an imposter. It reminds me I still have the sin nature inside me, and I need to surrender to Christ and repent, every day.
So I pray I have blessed you with this week’s post. If you have ever felt like an imposter, please let me know, and if I can pray for you, let me know too!