Too many of us have been hurt (abused) in the church, but Jesus did not do it. Many people turn from God and blame him for what unjust, ungodly humans did. I know, because I was harmed in the church and in a Christian mission. I do not blame Jesus, because he did not condone the misbehavior of those who claim his name. They misrepresented the Lord.
Many people say “the church” is full of hypocrites. These critics rightly point out abuses church members inflicted upon their victims. Even Jesus called some big church (synagogue) leaders hypocrites too (Matthew chapter 23), so these critics are in good company. Many abusers even claimed God gave them permission to commit their atrocities when he did not.
These abuses do not just occur in obscure, radical churches (which are often cults.) Some of these abuses occur in mainline churches, even evangelical churches that claim to follow the Bible. The reason people get hurt in church is not because God is bad. People are bad and misrepresent what Jesus wants the true church to embody. Plenty of cowards hide out in churches. Be sure to read the whole chapter of Matthew 23, because it describes many ways the fakers hide out in churches.
Even well-meaning, but false teaching about God can also make it easier for an abuser to use others, and for the meek to be used by them. I have shared about this kind of false teaching in past posts where wrong people claim we have to be “nice” to abusers, so they will see God’s love. They say we are supposed to let the abuser do bad things, and we keep forgiving. We are even supposed to become good friends with mean and abusive people, because of the claim that Jesus wants us to do that. Clearly this is a lie, because Jesus was disgusted with abusers. For example, he once said, “Ignore them. They are blind guides leading the blind,” (Matt. 15:14a.) Another time, when the crowd laughed at Jesus, he told them to leave (Mark 5:40.) Jesus did not put up with the abusers and scoffers. He told them they were wrong and walked away. Leaders are misguided when they tell people they have to put up with abuse. These abuses hurt Jesus who “came to seek and save those who are lost,” (Luke 19:10.)
In this week’s post, I will examine some of the ways that church members (and mission leaders) abuse others or set them up to mistreated or abused. One of the worst kinds of abuse, sexual harassment and even rape, does occur within the church. I know many people would rather say “sexual misconduct,” or “molestation,” but I want to use the strongest word, rape, because often this is what happens if sexual harassment is not stopped. Sometimes no rape occurs after sexual harassment, but that harassment is still evil, and no one should suffer from it. This is what happened to me and over a dozen other women (likely far more) at the Christian mission where I once worked as a member.
In that setting, men were considered wiser and somehow more godly than women. Men were always given more supervisor and management positions. Women were discouraged from pursuing those positions, and in rare cases when they got into such a position, if a man wanted that position, the woman had to step down. Women supervisors were more often contradicted and rebuked. In such a place where women’s wisdom was crushed, bad men could flourish, even though there were plenty of good men there too. In such a place of disrespect for women, sexual harassment could breed.
Thus we see a secondary form of mistreatment in the demeaning of women. Too many women were denied the opportunity to use their talents, whether in the church, in a mission, or even in an office, if the woman attended a church that forbids the woman to pursue such a career. Yet this is all a lie, since women in the Bible were clearly leaders, and I discussed this truth in my posts such as “Warriors in Genesis’ Eden,” “Joy in Spiritual Warfare,” “Joy in Spiritual Warfare, part 2,” just to name a few of these posts. If you missed these posts, be sure to look them up here in my blog. When women yearn to use the gifts God actually gave them, men in these organizations will disparage them and possibly stop them.
Abuse can occur to both genders and all ages, when churches (or other religious groups) demand that the members give far, far beyond what they can actually surrender, whether in time or money. I read about so-called pastors who demand their followers supply them with private jets and other excesses, while the followers live on meager rations. Jesus spoke of such charlatans (2Peter2:14b, “they are experts in greed—an accursed brood,” 2Cor.2:17a, “Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit.” Matt.21:12-13, “Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. ‘It is written’ he said to them, ‘My house will be called a house of prayer, but you have made it into a den of thieves.”)
Bullying can occur, and when someone calls out the bullying, church and mission members might use false teaching saying, we must “turn the other cheek,” (Matt.5:38-39.) But this takes that verse out of context. Jesus taught this so that his followers would not take revenge on those who attacked them. Thus Jesus was saying to not attack back. Jesus was not saying to not confront others who sin. Jesus called the Pharisees out for being “White washed tombs,” (Matt.23:27-28), and he told his followers to confront a brother who sins against her or him (Matt. 18:15-20.) So Jesus does not tell those who are bullied, sexually harassed, demeaned or in any other way mistreated to not confront those who hurt them. But too many church members demand this, most often of women, but also of anyone who seems easy to prey upon.
My church has developed training to help us (volunteers and staff) recognize sexual abuse and bullying so we can protect the children in our children’s ministry. But children and adults outside the ministry could still fall prey, so we must all be aware of the bad things that happen in church. We also need to be compassionate with those who come to the church, admitting that another church, mission or other Christian organization allowed abuse to occur. It was never the victim’s fault. Was the victim a sinner? Yes, but we all are sinners. No child deserves to be abused. And no adult deserves it either. We need to speak up for the victims and not fear giving God a bad name if we admit abuse occurred in what was supposed to be a Christian setting.
God does not need us to defend him, because humans who contradict him, and not God did the abusing. God is always pure and good. Jesus was the essence of innocence, yet he was also ferocious in protecting others. He insisted that the disciples allow children to come to him (Matt.19:14.) He forgave the woman caught in adultery while still holding her accountable to stop sinning (John 8: 10b-11, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?’ ‘No, Lord,’ she said. And Jesus replied, ‘Neither do I. Go and sin no more’.”) Jesus loves the hurting people. He said the church should look more like a hospital (Luke 5:32, “I have not called the righteous but sinners to repentance,” and Isaiah 61:1 “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim freedom to captives, and release from darkness the prisoners.”—that verse was quoted again in Luke 4:18-21 by Jesus.) Church is supposed to be a place where the hurting come and find healing, rest, and encouragement.
But some churches preach a “prosperity gospel,” which is no Gospel at all. The hurting are looked down on, as if they failed to have enough faith to be healthy, wealthy, and popular. Yet Peter told the Lord he left everything he had to follow Jesus, (Matt. 19:27-29), and Jesus praised Peter for his self denial. Not everyone is healed either, because Paul still had his thorn in the flesh, godly Job was covered with sores, and Timothy had to drink some wine with his water, due to his weak stomach. None of those men were less godly for being poor or sick. God praised the faith of all those men, so God clearly does not expect us to always be healthy, wealthy and popular. Jesus even said, “And everyone will hate you, because you are my followers, but the one who endures to the end will be saved,” (Mark 13:13.) Church needs to be a place where the poor can come and we can share with them. The hurting can come and we can comfort them. The sick can come, and we pray for them and minister to them. The unpopular come and we love them.
If you attend a church where that is not the case, please confront the leaders. If they will not repent, leave that church, even if you have people there you love. If the church is berating you and mistreating you and the leaders will not repent, you need to get away, and if you can, take all of the good people with you to a righteous church. But make sure you are not feeling “berated” because a good church is confronting you for living in sin. You must not habitually take illicit drugs, get drunk, have sex with someone not your spouse, frequently scream at your loved ones or beat them or do any other sin that the Bible says we should not do. If you do those things, and your church confronts you, they love you and want to spare you of a life of heart ache. Those sins (and others the Bible lists) hurt you in the end. That is not being berated, but spared, just like a good doctor diagnoses a disease and wants to help her patient to get over the disease. Sin is the disease of the soul.
I have had to leave a church, and the mission I mentioned, due to the lack of repentance of the leaders over the abuses I have mentioned. I stood my ground, and I would not agree with the sin I suffered and saw there. I am glad I spoke the truth, and I am glad I left the wrong church. Please don’t confuse this with leaving a good church that is a bad fit for one that is better for you. That does not make the first church wrong, and it does not mean our leaving the first church was due to the church leaders sinning. Some people find a church is the right fit for them, but some others find it is wrong for them, and they leave. We need to find the church where we can best use our talents to worship God, learn and grow and serve others. I am referring to places where the leaders will not stop hurting the members.
I have introduced the idea of churches (and large Christian organizations) that hurt the members, and for brevity’s sake have not discussed how I healed in this post. Perhaps I can discuss that healing in a future post. This is such a complex problem, and I want unbelievers to know they are wise to be cautious about churches. There are some bad ones. Yet there are so many good churches where unbelievers can come and find hope. Please do not give up on God if you have been hurt. God has a tender heart for you, and he adores you. I pray unbelievers and believers alike know I love you too and this is why I write these posts, trusting I am encouraging discouraged people, especially downcast gals. Let me know if you have any questions or suggestions. May God bless you this week!