We might condemn or judge others because of biases we don’t recognize. I know, because I have wrongly judged people (usually assuming they are arrogant) because of the pain in my life. As a socially awkward child, I was bullied, and I never forgot the pride of the children who looked down on me and mocked and excluded me. I do not want to judge others, so I have been asking God to reveal my biases so I can stop judging others. Please join me as I examine my own biases and also look at biases others have held, including people from the Bible.
On the radio I listened to a brilliant pastor discussing God’s view of women in ministry. This man spoke with respect and esteem for women, defending them from negative views too many pastors have. In the past I struggled to listen to this pastor, because I assumed he was arrogant. I could tell he was intelligent, but I also noticed that he has the “thinking” preference in his temperament, meaning, that he speaks from a somewhat distanced demeanor, preferring logic over emotions. He did not share his heart, vulnerabilities, fears or flaws. So I struggled to trust this man until I heard him defend women’s place in ministry.
He understood Scripture and had researched the Greek and Hebrew culture that influenced Paul’s and other writers’ concerns in the epistles they wrote. This man also spoke in humility about his reverence and esteem for his wife. I had never heard him speak that way about himself and his wife before. I felt relieved to hear his testimony but also sad that I had judged him. My unfair judgment challenged me to examine my hidden biases.
Just days later I read King David’s words in Psalm 19:12-13, “How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins. Do not let them control me. Then I will be free from guilt and innocent from great sin.” I wrote those verses down and memorized them. Those verses speak about my “hidden faults,” like David said. I don’t want wrong biases from past hurts to control how I act today.
The ex-husband of my past looked down on women, especially me. I also experienced sexual harassment at a Christian organization where women were also disrespected. Although those experiences occurred in the past, today I still feel sensitive to the disrespect of women. I hate the fact that I mistrusted this pastor and thought he was arrogant when he was not.
Since then, I’ve considered this man’s job. He took over his dad’s position as senior pastor of an enormous church. He probably feels insecure and concerned about letting his congregation down if he should make any mistakes. Insecure people rarely share their vulnerabilities. Insecure people try to look perfect and act perfect and never say anything foolish lest they draw negative criticism of themselves—the very criticism they believe they might actually deserve. So they may speak and act in ways that seem emotionally aloof and overly logical at the expense of self-deprecating humor, warmth, joy or spontaneity. Self-conscious people may seem rigid and unwilling to take chances, as this pastor had seemed in prior radio episodes.
But in my own pain, I didn’t consider this man’s pain. I had unfairly judged him even though he probably felt more insecure than I ever do. A few years ago I had begun to focus on overcoming sins in my thought life. I had typed a list of weaknesses I tend to fall into, and the first item on that list was my prayer to not fear the disapproval of others, but for me to love them and have mercy for them. Alas, I failed, by judging that pastor as arrogant. I did not have mercy for his probable insecurity as a newly promoted senior pastor.
When we are hurt, we might assume others have ill intent. For example, David feared Saul who hunted him. Saul also disrespected David and called him worthless. As a result, David had a bias about anyone disrespecting him. But he went way overboard when Nabal, a rancher, insulted David. In wrath, David said in 1Sam.25:22, “May God deal with David, be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belong to him!” Nabal was not the one who so severely disrespected David and hunted him to kill him. That was King Saul. But Abigail, Nabal’s wife wisely corrected David in verses 25-31, and David cooled down and realized his intent to kill Nabal was ungodly, so he did not do it.
Furthermore, when Jacob “lost” his son Joseph, and then he also lost Simeon, Jacob refused to allow Benjamin to go to Egypt, even though that was the only way to get Simeon back. Instead, Jacob refused to comply and said in Gens.42:36b, “Everything is going against me.” But in Gens.43:8-10, Judah reassured his father he would bring Benjamin back safely, and Jacob relented. Jacob had a wrong bias, believing the world was against him when two of his sons ended up missing, and as a result Jacob could not see clearly to discern these happenings were from the Lord and not against him.
These biases caused these two Bible heroes to act in ungodly ways, but because both of these men loved God, he corrected them by the wise words of Abigail and Judah, respectively.
God confronted and softened my heart when I heard that pastor’s respectful discussion of women in ministry. I suspect the pastor was less guarded when he spoke, because he was on a pastor’s call-in-show and was only speaking to one caller, not the pastor’s huge congregation the way I normally hear him speak on a Sunday morning.
I regret my judgment of this pastor. I don’t ever want to judge anyone again. Yet until I go to heaven I will feel the temptation to judge people in areas where I am weak. I can work on recognizing my bias, and if I catch myself thinking negatively about someone I can ask myself, if these people are scared, hurting, confused, or in any other emotional state where they might act differently than how they behave normally. Then I can fight against this pain-inspired tendency to judge. Instead I can recognize my negative thinking. I can only work on sins I recognize, so I must practice being aware. God is so good, and he can help me recognize my wrong attitudes.
Have you ever wrongly judged another person? How did you overcome that tendency, or are you still working on it too? Let me know, because I would be happy to pray for you as you work to overcome this sin we share.
Thanks for joining me in this week’s post. May the Lord bless you!