I want to avoid criticizing others, but my sinful nature fights back. I love people and the Lord, and I hurt both when I think unfairly critically about people or my life. Impatience, self importance, wrong assumptions, so many errors prompt my sin nature to harshly criticize. For example, I might think, “What’s wrong with this weird guy, driving so slowly?” As soon as I think or say this, my conscience pricks me. Probably it was an old person or teen learning to drive. Yet I had let my impatience think ill of this person. Instead I should have left my house earlier.
Too often I have not caught my critical spirit fast enough. This became my recent challenge. I could feel the fruit of my unchallenged spirit, when I began to feel sad after I had either snapped at someone, or I had allowed those negative thoughts to fester in my mind. I had hurt myself too, because my sinfully critical spirit grieved the Holy Spirit who lives in me. I had hurt the Lord, whom I adore. He always forgives me. Yet I decided I wanted to catch this criticism more quickly or not even think unfairly critically at all. Reasonably critical thinking sees sin in others and calls it sin and is done with the critical evaluation. Unfairly being critical means we might look down on others or unfairly blame them the way I caught myself doing in traffic.
Giving God thanks, even in hardship (“count it all joy, my friends, when you encounter all kinds of trials…” James 1:2a) helps me deflect this negative thinking. That alone helps me resist this form of criticism. I bought a great book that delightfully reinforces this concept, Pollyanna.
Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter is a link to Better World Books, who sells this book used, so you can spend less on it even though it is an affiliate link. I bought my copy used…
Pollyanna, an orphan, learned to give thanks in very harsh circumstances. I’m currently reading it aloud to my daughters. All three of us can learn to give thanks more and grumble/criticize less. Some people think Pollyanna was a girl who denied all problems and lived a life of fantasy, never knowing or helping others. In fact Pollyanna was a joyful, hard worker who firmly faced reality, cried for herself and others when she needed to, and who lovingly and gently told the truth to others, even when people who were in denial scolded her for her honesty.
When I use Pollyanna’s technique, even if life itself or someone has let me down or purposely hurt me, I have begun to think of something good that comes out of the bad experience (Romans 8:28 “God causes all things to work together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose.”) I love God and live to obey Him, and something good will come out of all my life’s circumstances.
I’ve also told God I have an ongoing problem with this criticism/grumbling, and I fully welcome him to confront me before the desire to think critically has cemented in my mind. I realize I am about to look at the person or circumstance in a negative way, and instead I stop myself. I’ve begun to repent quickly. For example, I might say, “Lord, I’m so sorry for grumbling. Thank you I am able to clean this mess and not sit helplessly watching from a wheelchair.” I am doing much better accepting instead of criticizing my life’s struggles, than I am with people. This makes me sad, because I love people. When I am not stressed, not rushed, and away from harshly critical people, this bad attitude of mine melts away. That tells me so much about this negativity. I am letting my stresses impact others. Even if I “only think” negatively, I suspect I may still act coolly towards the person I feel frustrated with.
As a result I have to face these two roots. I cannot change other people’s negativity. I can avoid some of these people, but not all of them, and I know their anger impacts me. I now silently rebuke their negative lies and ask God to not let the lies root in my heart. Here is a prayer that helped me: “The Lord rebuke you Satan. Do not let this person’s cruel lies root in my heart, but turn them back to convict this person’s heart instead.” This form of rebuke is found in Jude:9 and Zech.3:2. I let God rebuke the flesh or demon inspiring that person’s cruel words. If the words cause me to feel unjust anger towards the person spouting these lies, I ask God to let me imagine that person as an angry but also scared toddler, throwing a fit. Under all the adult posturing of the world’s angry people, there still lurks a toddler. Never resolving their problems and emotions, these people don’t realize they are the true source of their anger, not the rest of the world, at whom they spew anger.
But when I try to do too much and rush around, I begin to resent other people. I might think, “They aren’t helping enough,” or “They’re taking too much.” I forget Phil. 2:3b “…value others above yourself,” and I allow my impatience and self importance to cause me to either verbally snap, or else think critical thoughts. Unfortunately I have to cut down on what I expect to do and allow more time in those situations. Ugh, how I hate to do less. I have to admit to God I have limits and cannot do as much. Sometimes I have foolishly tried to do too much, because I was too proud to ask for help sooner. When I think of each person as a fragile and valuable imager bearer (made in God’s image), I can better avoid this sad and critical side.
I did not write “overcoming a critical spirit,” because I have not mastered this sin the way I have mastered my behavior in other areas. This challenge seems more stubborn than many of my other sinfully bad habits. I suspect anything rooted in pride feeds our sin nature. This may be why I find this sin harder to over come. In groups like “Al Anon,” and “Families Anon,” (for family members of an addict) this critical spirit is called “judging the heart of the addict,” and it means we are being unfairly critical of that person’s motives (Jer.17:9, “The heart is desperately wicked.”) We can see fruit of sin but not know why someone did what she or he did. Many of the foolish things people do are not because they don’t care about us, but because they are careless.
I am learning to tell the Lord, “I don’t like what this person did, but I could fall into the same sin. Please don’t let me get away with doing that,” so I don’t think I am above the sin that person did to hurt me. This helps me forgive and have compassion for the oppressor too. The good news about challenging this critical spirit is that I feel thankful, and I get into less “tats” (minor spats). I have better relationships with my family members. God is working on me. If I try to complain about any aspect of my life or try to feel critical about another driver, I now feel instant grief. I do not like the slow pace of feeling grief when my spirit is critical about a person, but even that sin now pricks my conscience much more quickly.
My daughters pointed out this sin of mine. How thankful I am for their honesty. We need believers who love enough us to confront us, and then we need to let the Lord know when this is a habitual sin. God can help us fight these sins in our nature. I am so thankful for my daughters and for God in helping me see the best in others! Thanks for joining us in this journey. I pray the Lord blessed you as you read this, and if you can apply anything I have learned, that knowledge will bless you too.