I pray that many gals will read this post, because I am so grieved by how many women (gals) do not see themselves as beautiful. I once attended an amazing church, Rock Harbor. The pastor spoke about his wife who had a past she regretted. Yet she was kind, good hearted, even beautiful. Her husband frequently told her about her many good qualities, but she struggled to believe him, due to things she did when she was younger (things she was ashamed of). He never stopped speaking the truth to her, so God’s love could sink into her heart. I do believe that over time, she came to better receive this truth.
Even women who have never regretted any (or much) of their past, often feel ugly, fat, unworthy, not gifted, clumsy–you name the harsh comparison, and these women feel that way. Why do they feel this way? Very small girls do not feel this way. In a real life study, researchers asked a class of kindergarten aged girls, “Can anyone here dance? Can anyone here draw? Can anyone here sing?” all of their hands rose. But a few years later they asked the same question, the same girls said, “No, I cannot dance, draw, or sing.” What happened? Some say this is how society teaches girls to know their proper place. Girls should not brag. Girls should keep their mouths shut. Perfection is essential, and these girls need to see how far they miss the mark, etc. The criticism does not end.
How does God see us? He rejoices over us! Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV) says, “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” God is crazy about us, just the way we are! In that verse, God clearly mentions “no longer rebuke you,” because he is not speaking to people who had a perfect life. These were people who had been rampantly sinning against God and had only recently turned back to Him. He still loved them. He is so crazy about us, He sings over us!
Perfection is a curse from society. So often society wants to silence women. In Orange County, California, there is a scary restaurant called “The Silent Woman,” and its sign shows a woman who had her head cut off. I find no humor in this idea of silencing a woman. We gals need to speak and rejoice in who we are. We do have a message to share with others. We are valuable. We are beautiful!
Even in the Christian church, I have heard pastors trying to silence women. One pastor said that long before he became a pastor he had a classmate in college who was training for the opera and had a strong voice. He told his joyful classmate that women are to be silent and submissive. This was a single woman who laughed loudly, spoke with a booming voice–but everything she said was kind and uplifting. She had never disagreed with her college professor and never said anything cruel to anyone. She encouraged everyone she saw. She had a gentle and loving spirit, but he resented her loud voice and laughter. He misapplied the Scripture in demanding her happy voice be silenced. Years later when he retold his story, he laughed with scorn against the woman. I am glad to say that he admitted this woman said, “Thank you Jesus for the persecution,” and laughed off this man’s ugly criticism of her.
There is no true ideal for a beautiful woman. Women from every continent on the world are beautiful! No race is excluded in the quality of beauty. And it is not just young women who are beautiful. Yes, wrinkles do form, but when we remember the beauty of a dried floral arrangement, we realize mature, even very old women are still beautiful, just in a different way, the way dried flowers are still beautiful. When society only accepts the narrow range of beauty as ultra young, ultra skinny, flawless (no scars, wrinkles, etc.) women get left out–not just those who are not perfect, but ALL women. For every woman will one day have blemishes.
Society hurts women when it says only one personality type is acceptable. Society often praises those who hide their disagreements with men, who keep their opinions to themselves, who act weak to hide their amazing strengths, but this just hurts women. Happy, noisy women are beautiful to God. Quiet, shy women are beautiful to God. Strong minded women can please God. Cheerleader types can please God (and I have barely covered the surface of the many styles of women God has made). God made women to have unique personalities, and we need never subvert who we are to please men or society in general. We must be exactly who we are, even if it might mean working on any quirk that hurts others. When only external beauty is praised, we also miss the rich inner life of gals. Women have fantastic minds. We have great personalities, and those personalities are diverse and we must celebrate that diversity!
For a woman to truly feel beautiful, she may need to take a break from the mirror and allow truly loving friends to speak truth to her. She may need to dig into the Bible and see the many places where God praises women and people in general. To some extent, believing we are valuable and beautiful is something we have to grab. Yes, we have to force out the many lies we may believe and reset our minds to believe all the good things that God says about us. Like the pastor’s wife at my old church, we may need good people who believe in us to speak the truth to us until we believe it ourselves. {If a woman has deeply entrenched, self-damaging beliefs she cannot shake, she should not feel shame seeing a counselor to work out any old traumas, hindering her. I’ll share more about that aspect another time.}
We must give ourselves and our fellow gals permission to be the very person God made us to be, to see the good He made in us and then enjoy being ourselves.
