In last week’s post, “Healing Injured Souls,” I spoke about seasons of rest in our Christian walk and specifically mentioned how some people suffer from burn-out. Yet other people can experience similar situations and not suffer burn-out. Often this difference does not come from personal defects in those who burn out but rather, occurs due to the distinct psychological make up of different people. Those who would not suffer from what could damage another person might judge the hurting person, not realizing God made these two people vastly different. Circumstances that harm one person might not even bother another. Yet those who may not flinch, let alone develop burn out due to continued circumstances that harm one, may also be the people who lack compassion for the hurting. The seemingly strong ones may also not be as soft-hearted and may be unable to offer comfort to dying and distraught people. So please join us this week as I look at some of the reasons that some people burn out while others face the same dilemma yet keep on going.
Last week I mentioned that my daughter Lindsey had been taking on many leadership roles, but she began to burn out, and this impacted many aspects of her life. Yet her sister, Amy has not burned out, and she has been taking on more leadership roles. Lindsey found the very young children (2-3 year olds) very challenging to teach in Kidzkrew (our church’s name for Sunday School) so Amy took over that class and even took 3 weekends per month, while Lindsey continued at only 2 weekends per month, and she went to an older, less challenging group of children. Lindsey also felt the strain of getting up early most Saturday mornings to be a teacher’s assistant, especially since many of the children in the dance classes were very young (as young as 3.) But when Lindsey said she could no longer do it, this spring Amy took over those classes. When Lindsey needed a break from the youth group worship team, Amy continued to participate in it and even began leading the worship. Outwardly, it would seem odd that Lindsey burned out, but Amy did not burn out, especially since the girls are fraternal twins.
But when you look more closely, you realize that Amy has many differences from Lindsey. Amy has a stronger gift in what the Bible calls, “Administration,” or organization (Romans 12:7, “If it is the gift of administration, let the administrator exercise a sound judgment in his duties.”) Amy has a natural gift in being better organized than Lindsey. Lindsey inherited my “free spirit, spontaneous,” but also MESSY side. I had to learn, over the years, to be neat and organized. I had to work very hard at that skill. But it comes much more easily for Amy. This is true for how Amy uses time too. She has a gift for time management. Thus Lindsey can get into trouble for not pacing herself well and then staying up too late while she tries to get the things done she forgot to do during the day.
But if someone tried to judge my Lindsey, I would defend her, and not just because she inherited the messy-streak from me. I would defend Lindsey, because she is still a girl, and this messy side that lacks self-discipline with time is the shadow side of her nature. Lindsey also has an exuberant nature. She is gregarious and the first of my girls to greet strangers. She gives huge, generous hugs. She gives people a ready smile and warmly welcomes people, while Amy is more reserved until she gets to know a person better (actually I am more like Amy in that way and always have been, but I do not have Amy’s natural gift of Administration.) Amy has told Lindsey that she admires Lindsey’s ability to go into any social situation and confidently enter the room and talk to anyone. She does not fear talking to strangers, and she has the sense to only talk to safe people and not to creepy people—she has a natural sense of danger. Lindsey has a boldness that I lack, and I admire that boldness. She inherited that from her dad who is also a very strong extrovert.
But because Lindsey does not have the same gift of innate self-discipline (which I lacked as a teen) she will have to learn to create self-control in her own life, just I had to do as a teen. And without this gift coming naturally, she has to work harder than someone for whom self-control and organization comes more naturally. She can learn to master this gift, but it will take work, and she cannot simply master it all in one summer. When we have shadow sides of our personalities, we will work on overcoming that weakness for all of our lives. This is true for me too. I am so much better organized today than when I was a teen, but I am still far from being as naturally organized as my Amy and as my adult friends who were born with the innate gift of organization.
For Lindsey, part of her crisis of burn out was a crisis of fun too. Lindsey still needs to have fun. That is part of her spontaneous nature. She was working so hard, she did not have enough time for fun. Actually, at times I can still relate to Lindsey’s crisis too. I also need to have some fun, even if it means laughing with my girls while I wash dishes or do some other chore. I also need to do at least a small amount of drawing or other art work. I rarely paint anymore, but I really enjoy painting. If I neglect the artistic and playful side of my nature, I also feel a sadness that does not come from loneliness, but from starving an innate part of my nature. I am an artist at heart, and love to write fiction, paint, draw, work with clay and mold it, design and then sew things, dance, act in plays, etc.
God made us with gifts and then weaknesses on the opposite side of those gifts. Some people are naturally very organized, but they have trouble setting aside their ideas and schedules and acting spontaneously or even laughing and acting silly. Others can be spontaneous and silly but have trouble organizing and disciplining themselves. Some people can detach their hearts from others and interact with people in a cool-headed, logical way. Others interact with their full heart, mercy and compassion. The compassionate ones might get their feelings hurt. The cool headed, logical people may be too harsh at times and lack compassion for others. Each side has its strength and weakness.
Some people face life in a very sensible way, looking at the physical world and valuing it heavily. But some people want to understand things from an intuitive frame, whether via psychology, or the spiritual side of life. The sensible ones may think the intuitives are spacey and foolish. The intuitives might think the sensible people lack depth. Yet both groups need each other. When sensible people are thrown into subjects like psychology and poetry and told to look at the deeper meanings and to consider things from an intuitive side, those sensible types could fall into a crisis. But deny this kind of thinking to an intuitive and instead demand that she look at the surface, forgetting her deeper feelings to stay at the surface, and she will starve over time too.
One person’s burn-out might not cause pain or distress to another when the people are different. This does not mean the person suffering is insincere, nor is the one who does not suffer. Remember last week when I quoted, Romans 14:4, “Who are you to condemn someone’s else’s servants? Their own master will judge whether they stand or fall. And with the Lord’s help, they will stand and receive the Lord’s approval.” We must neither judge others, nor ourselves for our sorrow, exhaustion, or crisis of burn-out. God made us differently, and this means that when one person suffers, the one who is strong in that way can comfort the hurting person. We can encourage and lift each other up, as God has urged us, (1 Thess.5:11, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”)
God had great joy making the family of believers so diverse. Paul compared the diverse Christians to the parts of the human body (Romans 12:4-8.) The Christians have different gifts to serve the Lord. Those differing gifts come in frail humans who sometimes run low on energy. When one of them is hurting, we can offer her compassion, as I did my sweet Lindsey. School is out now, and she is enjoying a laid back month of June. I encourage her to have some fun while still holding her accountable for doing chores and being part of our family. As she heals, she will have the strength to go back to dancing, and she can also decide how she wants to use her leadership skills, only this time at a pace that works better for her.
I pray we have encouraged you with this week’s post. I have had my own seasons of exhaustion and burnout. If you have ever-burned out, please let us know. Thanks for joining us in this post!