I have yearned to pray boldly and then go witness boldly like Elijah in Scripture. But sometimes I hit resistance to this goal. During times of joy and peace, I felt powerful in the spirit and prayed for the ability to share the Gospel fearlessly, and then I actually did so! But soon after this time I began to experience intense stress from some angry people in my life. Then one day, adding to the stress, a soldier in the grocery store was so angry with me, he yelled at me (actually more of a guttural snarl with very angry words) letting me know he wanted nothing to do with my offer to pray for him. Suddenly I began to question my wisdom in talking to complete strangers in the grocery store, and I clammed up. Then I even stopped sharing the Gospel with the friendly clerks I had gotten to know by interacting with them. Satan had silenced me, and I did not even recognize his snare for many months. Eventually I recognized I had lost my bold prayers for bold witnessing and I began to ask God to fix me, assuming I should always speak boldly. But God began to show me there are seasons of sorrow and healing when prayers may not seem as bold but actually are still bold and effective. During this time, I was really hurting about a few vindictive relatives in my life, so I had less emotional energy to give. I learned that sorrow can hinder our ability to speak boldly, yet this does not mean we are not praying boldly. They are two different matters.
First, let’s look at the ability to speak boldly. I wonder if the ability to boldly witness relates to personality. I have tested as an extrovert on the Meyer’s Briggs personality assessment but at other times tested as an introvert. From my youngest years to the present, some people described me as an introvert, yet at times, others insisted I was an extrovert. Both personality styles are legitimate and beautiful. But a person is usually only one of these, and I wonder, which am I truly? I find it interesting that I seem more introverted in times of stress and relational tension. When I face continual stress from angry and demeaning people, or from very demanding life issues, I tend to draw into my own thoughts and not want to interact with many people (sometimes not anyone at all.) I need to talk to God, and sometimes I need to spend considerable time with him to figure out what is wrong so I can handle the problems I face during these hard seasons.
At those times, I do not pray in the way I used to think of as “bold” but rather with sorrow and confusion and earnest pleading with God for his guidance as well as for the salvation of some people I love. During those times I do not ask for the ability to go out and boldly witness about my faith, because I do not feel bold but sorrowful and in need of emotional and spiritual mending. Because of the extreme drain the difficult people have on me, I am learning to ask God about how he wants me to interact with them (or not interact with some of them.) Some of these difficult people may respond to my love, but others do not. I need to be wise about how much to interact with them. I sense God is reminding me of the verse in Matt. 7:6, “Do not give what is holy to the dogs, nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet and then turn and tear you to pieces.” I am not saying those people are dogs or swine. But their behavior is sometimes like those wild animals (not tame dogs.) When they hate me and spurn me as I offer them love, I have to decide if I am actually bothering them and not ministering to them. If God has not called me to minister to these people (even ones I am related to) then I am actually disobeying by trying to serve them in ways they do not appreciate. I may even be getting in the way of God’s plan for them.
It is painful to admit, but addicts must hit rock bottom before they will change, according to the Anonymous Movement (including “Alcoholics Anonymous” for addicts and the group called “Family Anonymous” for family members of the addicts). Otherwise the family members try to “rescue” the addicts from pain that would have forced them to realize their life was unmanageable. Many times pain forces sinners to repent. Could this be true in the lives of the difficult people in my life? Yes, Scripture affirms this sad truth. For example, look at 1 Cor.5:11, “But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.” This verse does not mean we exclude Christians who are struggling to not sin but sometimes fall into it, because Gals. 6:1 says, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”
Paul clarifies this concept in 2 Thess.3:14-15, “If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother (or sister.)” Jesus gave a longer description of this kind of situation in Matt.18:15-20, “If your brother (or sister) sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector (rejected from your fellowship.)”
Some people will not apologize for their cruelty and they will hurt others over and over, so that only the strongest Christians can handle those people. There are a few naturally bold Christians who can handle this abuse, and they can still spend some time with these unrepentant sinners. In my case, I have a naturally bold relative who loves the Lord. One of the angry people (whom I love) is intimidated by this relative, and thus does not lash out at him. His children are grown and also very confident, so this angry relative does not try to hurt his adult children either. As a result, this relative can minister to the angry person who has lashed out at me and hurt my family. So I know others can still care for this person when I pull back to protect myself and my family.
While those Christians are bold and can handle such angry people, others (like me) are crushed by the abuse of these angry people. Some would say it is our own fault for having such tender hearts, since I just described one of my beloved relatives who can stand up to this angry person. But that same relative admitted he could never teach special education, nor visit nursing homes and widows, because he does not have the patience or gift of mercy like I have. Some of us have tender hearts, and the angry aggressive people make us their target. Not only do they hurt us, but they can tempt us to strike back or fall into the same misbehavior. So Christians have to make the judgment about whether or not they can handle such people. And remember that Paul was a bold man, and in 1 Tim. 1:20, he said, “among whom are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme.” Some people are so offensive, even a bold Christian like the Apostle Paul had to walk away from them. At those times, we have to do like the twelve disciples did, when a village refused to welcome them. They shook the dust of their feet and peacefully walked away (Matt. 10:14.)
We can still pray for those people, knowing the truth found in Romans 2:4-5, “Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed.” We don’t want anyone to face God’s wrath, so we can pray for these harsh people, from a safe distance.
But all of this brings me back to my desire to pray and witness boldly. I am still shaken by the angry soldier I tried to witness to in the Ralph’s grocery store. I do not know what trouble he was facing. He may have been striking out at me due to stress from military life. But I let his anger chill my desire to tell him about Jesus. Of course, at this same time many other stresses had come into my own life, along with some people I care about turning angrier and vindictive. I needed to withdraw into my quieter side to seek God’s guidance as well as his comfort. I was hurting so much and not feeling strong enough to face another angry shopper at the grocery store nor any other place where I had formerly boldly spoken about Jesus. But I recognized that I had gone too far with my pain and withdrawal from witnessing. So I began to ask God for his guidance about how he wanted me to witness boldly again. I assumed I needed to always be bold. Instead God reminded me of my discipleship experience at our church.
Our women’s discipleship program requires everyone, who wants to disciple younger woman, first go through the program as a disciplee. I asked to be paired with a woman who had a very successful business career. She is a bold and confident woman, a “go-getter” type of strong-willed woman who has learned to surrender her heart to Christ. I thought I should be more like her, and thus I thought I needed her to disciple me. Instead God sent me a tender-hearted, gentle woman who is actually quite a bit like me. She also had a successful career, but in a quiet way (as an accountant.) She is more of a “behind the scenes” woman (not in the spot light, not garnering great attention.) And it was pure joy to be discipled by her. She showed me that God is pleased with having made me a gentler and more tender-hearted Christian. I can be silly and laugh, and at times I can speak up. But I am not a tough-minded, hard talking, boldly confident woman. My confidence is of a quieter, softer nature. But it is not wrong, even though it is so different from the retired business woman I had admired.
With this knowledge, God is showing me that it is not wrong for me to be in a season of greater quietness in my spiritual life as I do a bit of grieving and a bit of sorting out my thoughts about these difficult people I love who are not walking with the Lord. And this impacts how I pray. I need to spend time seeking God’s healing, because I need comfort after interactions with the harsh people I do feel called to minister to. I still have intense joy in the Lord, but I am quieter right now in my witnessing. Yet I do still speak about the Lord and tell people about Jesus. I realized delivery drivers and utility workers know they do dangerous work and need encouragement. They could injure themselves and then no longer be able to work. As a result, they really appreciate my offer to pray for their safety, so I still do that. And as I pray for their safety, I speak of Jesus’ love and sacrifice in those prayers they hear. With the clerks I have gotten to know, I ask about their lives, and whenever I can, I still tell them about Jesus’ love and his ability to reach out to them. But otherwise, I have not been boldly walking up to complete strangers and offering to pray for them.
In this season of my life, I sense God’s peace about this more gentle approach, as I heal my heart from these angry people I still love, but with whom I am forced to pull back. I have come to realize that I am still praying boldly. But that does not mean I need to go out and act boldly. God has given me peace about my quieter witness. As a result, I am using my softer, gentler approach to witnessing and then trusting God will use this style in this season of my life. I admire the prophets like Elisha, but for now, I will let them be their boldly-speaking selves, while I am the quieter witness. But my prayers are still fierce. I still boldly enter God’s throne room to ask for the salvation of the people for whom I am concerned. I just don’t rush off to tell these people about my prayers. God knows my heart, and he listens when I pray and fast for the unsaved. I have learned that praying boldly does not always mean going out and speaking boldly. It is OK to witness in a quieter way, as long as I am asking God to guide me and then listening to his guidance.
Likely you have your own style of praying and sharing the Gospel. Keep listening to God’s guidance and then do what He calls you to do. Never put yourself down if you see others who have different spiritual gifts. Trust God that he made you the way you are, and then ask God to use you according to his plan. He has been faithful with me, and I know he will be faithful with you too.
Thanks for joining us. I pray we have blessed you with this week’s post.