What to do when we do our best but others still outperform us
Envy and self recrimination (berating ourselves) can strike our hearts when we work harder than others but they still do way better than we are doing. We might imagine it is not fair they achieve so much (or receive so much). Or we might think we are dummies and defective when we do not achieve as much as others who may (or may not) be doing far less yet achieving so much more. The truth is that others may truly be doing WAY less yet still achieving way more. At times this observation does not come from our imagination but shows exactly what God has allowed. God may have given those people greater gifts in areas where we want to achieve. We may have pure, repentant hearts towards the Lord, loving him, with no hidden sins to hinder our progress, yet we still get less done or have less to show for our work. This is not a sign of sin, or laziness.
So whether your heart responds with envy or with frustration with yourself (and accusations against yourself), please join me as I look at this reality and consider God’s perspective on this truth.
This reality dawned on me nearly 2 weeks ago after I watched my spry, non-exercising (his wife told me so) neighbor scramble up a ladder and easily walk on his roof. This man is in his 70’s. After seeing that, I watched him as he walked briskly, easily and uninjured. In contrast, I have experienced three injuries this year that have slowed me down (though they did not stop me—praise God!) Seemingly they were “little accidents,” yet none of them have fully healed, even months after two of them. Why is this contrast hard for me to accept? I work so hard to NOT injure myself and to be limber and strong. I researched specific stretches for women my age, based upon how I work out, and I stretch daily. I do low impact exercises and vary what I do so there is time for joints to rest. Yet I easily injure myself—often not while exercising, but while doing other things (even in the kitchen). And my joints do not quickly heal.
Now I know I am not “normal.” I was born with a connective tissue disorder, which loosens my joints beyond what is safe or healthy. I also know my joints will get worse as I age. This is actually what I call a “blessing in comparison,” meaning I feel blessed this is all I have (besides my hypothyroidism), because I feel blessed I do NOT have cancer, heart disease, asthma or any other severe issue. This joint issue has only caused 3 surgeries, and only one of them was major. I am sure people with worse conditions suffer far more. And I shared in one of my earlier posts (Nearly Pain-Free Living: Natural Pain Relief) that I have ways to minimize pain after an injury so that I almost never take over the counter pain meds. Nearly two weeks after the leg injury, I now have very little pain as long as I do not sit too much or try to fully use the leg. I do not have full range of motion in that leg (it would hurt very much if I did push it to the full range of motion). As such, I am blessed that I can do everything, just more stiffly (including in my arm that is also injured—I don’t have full range of motion there too).
Yet the accident that hurt my leg was almost ridiculous, and I became very frustrated with myself, even before I watched my neighbor, (who is so much older than me) move so easily, not stiffly and uninjured. How could I have been so dumb to try to yank something out of the freezer when I clearly saw something heavy on top of it?
Here is the crazy part. Once I dislodged the wrong thing—a heavy jar, I remembered I have an injured toe (that has refused to heal, since January). I instinctively yanked my leg up way too fast. I instantly pulled some tissue around my hamstring and gluteus maximus (below my butt), and the pain seared. And because I moved so fast, I slammed my foot back down and the frozen jar did fall on the injured toe anyway, making it worse than it already was. I ended up further injuring the toe, plus now injuring the back of my leg. Then two days later, while still limping, I saw my amazingly spry neighbor who does nothing to exercise or stretch (per his wife’s words). I felt like a real dummy. How could I have been so careless? Why does he do nothing for mobility, yet he is as mobile as a 30 year old, but I do so much, and I injure myself just in the kitchen? The self blame came upon me, and perhaps a bit of envy too. Ugh!
As a Christian, I do not want to treat myself harshly or envy others. I know the Psalmist said something similar in Psalm 73:3, when he said, “For I envied the proud when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness.” My neighbor, though not a Christian is a very kind hearted man, so there is no comparison with him and a wicked person. I just share that Psalm to show that David did envy others doing better than he was doing. And I have NO envy when others achieve in areas where I am disinterested. If someone sings better than me, I smile, because I have never had a passion for singing. I feel zero envy. But I like to move about, and I work so hard to be limber, yet I often fall short in this area. I even aim to eat foods that are good for my joints. I just was not born with good connective tissue, and I have always suffered injuries when others around me did not.
So why did God give my neighbor such healthy joints and muscles, even though he never exercises, stretches or cares if he does, while God gave me connective tissues with issues? Some might think God loves me less because I have these issues, while my neighbor does not. In fact this is not the only area where I also do not excel. I have a problem with time management. I need nearly 9 hours of nightly sleep, while I meet gals who need only 7. They have an extra 2 “awake hours” every single day! I imagine all the work I could get done with those extra “awake hours” in my day. And please know I do not eat bon-bons and watch TV! I may need the sleep, but I quickly get out of bed and do my best to work hard the rest of the day. I watch zero TV or even the funny videos friends send. When possible, I do more than one thing at a time, and this does help with my efficiency. But those 7-hour a night gals can go to later activities at night and still get up at a decent time. I cannot, and I am so embarrassed at church when I have to say, “No,” to something other gals can attend. I won’t bore you with any other areas where I do not excel. I just wanted to share two ways this impacts me to show that this reality is not isolated to my joints. I also want to reassure others gals who may have more than one area in their lives where they work harder but get less done, that they are not alone.
But getting back to God’s plan in all of this—what does God think about our lesser abilities? How can we align our hearts with his will? Let’s look at the parable of the talents given to the servants of a king (or “Master”) in Matt. 25:14-30 (also found in Luke 19). The verses in Matt. 25:21 and 23 are identical, “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’” The Master praised both men in exactly the same way, even though the first man had more talents than the second man. God gave the first man more abilities. Perhaps he did not work any harder, yet he produced way more results. But the Master never scolded the second man who did not produce as much, because the Master had not given this second man as many skills to use. God praised the second man just as much as the first man who achieved way more. God is kind, and if he gives us less talents, he will not expect us to achieve to the level a gal does who has been given more talents.
Furthermore, God sees us as a treasured masterpiece, even when we know we are flawed and less talented than others. Notice in Ephs.2:10, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” God never said we are God’s handiwork when we do good works. It says we are already created to do good works and these were prepared in advance for us to do. God knows our limits and does not expect more of us than our frail bodies can accomplish.
God openly admitted he gave some men more talent than others. For example, in Exodus 31: 2-5, God said, “See, I have called by name Bezalel the son of Uri, son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills— to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of crafts.” He was speaking about only one man who was set apart to adorn the Ark of the Testimony. He was given a gift God specifically did not choose to give to any other Israelites. As a result, God expected more of this man, but God did not expect this artistic gifting in the other Israelites. God was pleased with the other talents the other men and women had. And in this book, God did mention women too (though not by name), Exodus 35:25, “All the skilled women spun with their hands, and brought what they had spun, in blue and purple and scarlet material and in fine linen.”
Yet God does gift every believer. Look at James 1: 17, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” My mobility is clearly not as great as my sprightly neighbor’s. But I can walk and get around, and I do not injure myself all the time. In this area, my gift may be smaller, but because I can still get around, I am truly blessed and can use my gift to help my family and others.
I can look at how God is working through me in all my gifts. For example, in 1Cor.12:5-6, Paul says, “There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.” So when I cannot do as much as I want (whether that means writing or teaching, or moving about or any other gift I have that is less than another person’s gift), I can still believe God is moving through me in all of my imperfection. He is still proud of my hard work, even when it produces way less than another person. Then the perspective in 1Peter4:10 makes more sense, “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”
Perhaps the person I am most impatient with is myself. So even though 1Cor13: 4 is written about how I treat others, I need to include myself in being kind to myself: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” I must not envy my neighbor, but I also must not be unkind, even to myself.
I have heard that envy or jealousy of another person’s talents causes us to overlook our own talents and not feel thankful for them. For me, if I ever feel badly about myself, if I can think of someone who has less (instead of envying one who has more), I begin to feel so thankful for what I already have! I think of Joni-Eareckson-Tada in a wheel chair, and I am thankful, even when I get clumsy and end up limping after a silly accident.
Finally, I can ask myself, how was I looking at others? Most often I admire others and then go on with my work. I don’t linger over self-shame or begin to want what they have. Because I had JUST injured myself, just days before I saw my neighbor move so easily, and because I was hurting, moving stiffly and limping, I did linger. I thought of my dumb mistake and I did envy my neighbor, especially since his wife told me she exercises too, but her husband never does. We both, his wife and I, work so hard to be strong, but her husband is that way without effort. So my attitude was in a dangerous place. My body was literally injured, and my spirit was a bit down because I had not yet gotten over two other injuries I had this year, and now I had added a third injury.
It has been nearly two weeks since I hurt my leg, and while it is not fully healed, I am less stiff, and I am also forewarned to NOT yank anything out of the freezer or any other part of the house unless I first take off whatever is sitting on top of that item. These injuries don’t fully heal in my body quickly, so it may take 6 months, but I believe I’ll get better. More importantly, I am back to being thankful for the level of mobility I have. And as for my unsaved neighbor, now I am back to feeling concerned for his salvation. Years ago I bought a Bible for him in his (and his whole family’s) native tongue. After I gave him the Bible, I have prayed for his whole family every day. He may be in way better shape than I am, and is nearly two decades older than me, all without trying, but he is unsaved. That is a far worse place to be in, and as such, I am concerned for him, far more than me with my silly injuries. His soul is precious to the Lord! So I am back to the right place, emotionally and spiritually.
I am learning that when I am weak, I must rely on the Lord and watch my soul for envy when I see someone who does not work as hard as I do, but who achieves way more than I do. When I look at what I cannot do, I can envy. But when I look at all I have, I realize I am abundantly blessed. Most of all, I have my eternal salvation, so I am the most blessed of any human. I have a gift I need to share with others, and I do.
I pray we have blessed you with this post. It was humbling to write it, but I sensed others may also be working harder than others but achieving way less. I pray I comforted you with the truth that I do struggle with this, but also that God keeps getting me back to his heart of joy and thanks, and he can do that for you too.