Researchers don’t surprise us when they say social media, and Covid only made people feel more isolated, sad and anxious. We sense this in our hearts. But even Christians might think we are alone (strange, weird, carrying problems no one else carries), when we are not, or at least we shouldn’t stay alone.
Although this is a cliché, I will say it anyway, “No one is perfect.” We must forgive ourselves, but first we have to admit how much we are hurting. And we have to find safe people to share our pain with. We should experiment to see if a person is safe, since some people cannot handle what we might share. One person might say, “I am so sad you have cancer; I had it too. Please tell me more,” while the next person might be terrified and want to walk away from us, fearing our sickness (I don’t have cancer but many friends do).
How much more might the wrong person run if we talk about our feelings, and our poor choices (which seemed so right when we made them)? At least with cancer, it is something most people don’t blame a person for having. But some people are so “logical,” any expression of strong emotions terrifies them. Technically people who avoid all strong emotions are termed “in denial,” since everyone has these emotions at some times in their lives.
But safe people exist. We just need to find what topics certain people are OK with discussing. For me as a Christian, I would not want to burden a nonbeliever with concerns about my faith. But I could talk to someone of a different faith, if the matter is about health, or finance, for example. So I may have different people to talk to, depending on the topic. I don’t rely on just one friend to share my heart.
We might avoid some topics but not others. For example, a friend who already suffers ill health might be overwhelmed if I mentioned my health issues, especially if my issues are minor compared to hers. I have to pace myself. I want to share an example of a “dark secret” I kept from my friends at church. Since the nature of this is a bit sensitive, I will not share the full secret. But there has been some long term pain in my family (not with my daughters), and I thought I was alone in this problem. Since it involved a relationship, I also assumed full responsibility and felt fully to blame for being involved. But I began to ask other women at church about their lives, and I was shocked to find several other women are also suffering in this relational issue. I carried that pain for over a decade, and I assumed I was alone. I was not. Now I am able to ask the other women questions about how they manage this particular relationship, and how they stay strong in their Christian faith. I am amazed by the relief I feel, knowing these beautiful women are in a similar situation. I would never blame them, yet I blamed myself.
I am so concerned for younger gals too. Whether you are a sister, a teacher, a mom, grandma, an aunt, or in any other way associated with a younger gal, please help her open up too. I don’t mean you pry, just that you let her know you are willing to listen to her, and of course be honest about struggles in your own life. When we are honest and admit we are struggling, we welcome others to share their pain. We cannot do that with everyone. There are people who will never offer us compassion. We must NOT share with them. I know, because I did, and even if we are related by blood, some people cannot understand us. We will only burden them, and likely they will judge us. Not all Christians can understand us either. We may share the faith, but we may have very different ways of processing our emotions.
Now this is NOT to say we do not run to the Lord, as Christians, and tell him our sorrows. As I discussed in my post “Embracing Grief,” first we feel the pain, then we tell God. In their books, Jeremiah, Isaiah, King David (in Psalms), and Hannah (in First Samuel) lamented, meaning they told God what hurt so badly. They shared their fears, their sorrows, and their anger. Yet these men and women did not suffer alone. Jeremiah had his scribe, Baruch, to confide in. David had Jonathan. Even Hannah confided in Eli, the priest, telling him why she was depressed.
So please pray and ask God to send the right person for you to confide in. Go slowly as you share. Like my example of the safe person who could talk about cancer, the right person will receive whatever you share with kind acceptance, not judgment. Please don’t hide your heart. Your heart is more valuable than gold and platinum. You deserve having a kind person to talk to, and maybe a few kind people, depending on what you need to share.
You are not a burden. The right person will be honored to hear your heart. Your sorrows, fears, anger, curiosities and any concerns are valid. You are a priceless human being who is a joy to God. You will be a joy to the right confidant. I believe this so firmly, I committed to God to pray for my readers, that God would guide you, listen to you, comfort you and bring peace to your life.
We love you! Thank you for joining us in this post!